Intricate Desires
by Fauxiie
Summary: What the hell was wrong with him? How the hell had he gotten so twisted? Z/C
1. Chapter 1

Zack opened his eyes to the sound of rain tapping against the window. He was panting heavy, his eyes darting from side to side, taking in the familarity of hotel room he'd spent four years away from, and trying to determine what was real and what wasn't.

Images kept playing on his black eyelids from just moments ago; pictures that still swam in and out of focus before him even as he was now wide awake. His heart was thumping like a bass drum in his ribcage and his breath was ragged as he tried to keep it quiet so as to not disturb the shape of Cody lying in the bed across the room from him. Zack inhaled a deep breath in an attempt to calm the shaky feelings he was experiencing and tried blinking vigerously to wipe away the dream that had awoken him. It didn't work. He slowly pushed himself out of bed and ran a hand through his limp hair. Since his graduation from Seven Seas High life had got alot more complicated for Zack, with no plans for the future and his twin set to leave him in a couple of weeks to go to Yale, his mind was all over the place, especially his feelings. He was sure Cody had noticed that something was up but Zack went on as normal and dodged any question that pertained to his new distracted demeanour by completely turning the topic around to something 'academic'. It always worked as Cody never could resist bragging about his ridiculously extensive knowledge of everything.

Zack made his way out of their shared room as quickly and quietly as he could and entered the bathroom, shutting the door silently behind him. He found his face in the mirror and saw a blank expression looking back at him. His features were so unlike his twin's and were changing more and more each day but if you looked hard enough you'd find Cody in the reflection.

Sighing, he tore his eyes from his own reflection and stripped out of his t-shirt and boxers, hanging them on the back of the closed door before he stepped inside the shower cubicle. The water was warm but not scalding and didn't turn to icy cold every three seconds like it had in his cabin back on board the ship.

Zack let it splash across his body, matting his hair and wetting his face but he didn't dare close his eyes in fear of seeing those images again. Instead, he kept them resolutely set on the mass collection of his mom's scented candles on the window sill. He didn't want to see, didn't want to think, and he sure as hell didn't want to live through that dream again. It hadn't been the first one, nor the second. He'd been having them almost every night for a good while now and although he wasn't as freaked out as he had been the first time, the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach constantly made its presence known. Every time he looked at his brother the troubling images from the dreams popped into his mind. His eyes faltered shut and the images came flooding back. A warm body next to him, pressed right up against him, soft skin stretching over lean muscles and hot lips caressing his own. A sheen of sweat glistened on their bodies. Zack's lips were swollen and they weren't the only part of his body.

Zack opened his eyes as his hand found the shower wall, he cursed for letting his weak self fall back into that dream. He didn't need to look down to realise that he was rock hard. Shame welled up inside of him, filling every part it could as he grasped himself and began the familiar motion. He leaned his forehead against the wall and closed his eyes as he worked himself, the water splashing across his back now. He worked himself tirelessly, roughly, almost trying to make it hurt. He deserved pain. He was panting by the time he remembered the climax of the most recent dream and he tensed, letting out a strangled cry as he came. The sweet rush made his knees go weak for a few seconds and he had to brace himself firmly against the wall to support himself. It was all over in moments, and then the unending guilt came.

"Heck," he croaked, hastily blinking away sudden tears that stung every bit of him. Feeling very unclean, he snatched the soap and hastily began to soap his body, taking particular care not to rouse himself again. He then stood quite still under the spray for few moments once he was all lathered up, letting the warm water splash into his face before sliding down his soapy body and into the drain. He wished all of his problems could be swept away that easily, but they would probably just get stuck if he tried._ What the hell was wrong with him? How the hell had he gotten so twisted? _His own brother. . . his own twin?

He dried off facing away from the mirror. Sacred that if he looked he'd wouldn't see himself but Cody looking back at him disapointed. He rubbed the towel against his skin harder and faster. His breayhing became rapid and the tears welled up in his eyes. His thoughts strayed to Cody's face if he found out, the disappointment, the shame, the disgust. He yelped as the rought texture of the towel scraped his skin. He stopped still. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. This had to stop. Cody would no longer be around soon, he just had to wait until then. Then he'd be gone and hopefully so would these damn thoughts!

He tied the white towel around his waist as he opened the bathroom door and was met by a rush of cold air crashing against his skin as the shower steam exited. He re-entered his bedroom where he found Cody still lying in bed, his arms tucked under the pillow and the duvet tangled between his legs. Zack waited for a second to see if his brother would wake up but he didn't even stir.

He started to ruffle Cody's hair in an attempt to wake his brother up, but found the soft, newly shampooed strands much too pleasant between his fingers and instead extended a finger and poked it hard into his brother's arm. Cody stirred but his slow, his even breathing went on. Zack's eyes were drawn to Cody's lips and once more the dream slipped back into his mind. Mouths pressed together;_ hot, warm, sensual_. Zack blinked. He had kissed Codyand it had not been real. He felt sick all of a sudden, which was strange considering that he had just realised that he hadn't actually kissed his own brother.

"Get up Cody," he said, perhaps a little more forcefully than the situation required.

Cody jerked awake from the combination of Zack's hard finger poking at him and the loud tone of voice. "What?" He mumbled irritably, raising a hand to rub his sleepy eyes.

"It's morning and you need to wake up you have that meeting thingy today!" Zack swiftly turned and walked back into the bathroom as Cody kicked the duvet down and turned to lie on his back, exposing his naked chest. Zack didn't think his imagination would be wise to take any more fuel this morning and instead went on to get dressed, but as weak as he was, he positioned himself so he could hesitantly watch his brother twist and turn tiredly on the bed in an attempt to wake up through the corner of his eye. Cody had been doing that same morning ritual since they were young and it made Zack smile that he got to see it again since they were back in the same room. Zack smile faded as Cody's body writhing on the bed while he moaned and groaned served as a particularly nasty kind of torture.

Slowly, Cody opened his eyes to the bright morning light. They instantly fixed on Zack. "Why are you up so early?"

"You're not the only one with plans today you know" Zack's tone came out more harsh than he expected. Cody just rolled his eyes in response and sat up still trying to shake away the tiredness. Zack buttoned up his shirt trying to take his mind off Cody but it was next to impossible with him being in the same room. "Zack?"

Zack turned to look at Cody instantly regretting his choice as his eyes hungerily devoured the complete sight of Cody's bare chest, taking in the abs that weren't overly defined yet still definitely there, and the thin trail of light brown hair that teasingly led the way down the waistband of his blue boxers. Zack hastened to look away before his brother caught him staring. There was that thumping of his heart again and the burning feeling in his stomach that he knew to be guilt. He licked his lips and swallowed hard. Cody didn't seem to notice, his eye brows raised and his eyes fixed on Zack's shirts. "You're buttoning your shirt all wrong, look" Zack looked down. Each button was in the wrong hole, he groaned and began fumbling around trying to get them out again but it wasn't working. He heard a giggle and a shift of movement. He froze when he felt two hand touch his own. He looked up to find Cody looking at him beamused. "Here let me do it" He said softly moving Zack's hands away. Zack's eyes remained on Cody's flawless face taking in every detail from his moles to his lightly unshaven face.

"There" He laughed looking back up at Zack.

Their eyes met and for a moment Zack thought he saw a flash of something he couldn't quite decode in Cody's eyes. However, it sent a tingle all the way through Zack and his heart began pounding so hard he was sure Cody could hear it. He open his mouth to say something but before he got the chance and small beeping noise came from the otherside of the room and Cody jumped in excitement.

"That must be Bailey!" He sqeualed running across the room to retrieve his phone. Zack just blinked as Cody began typing away. He could imagine the gist of what his brother was typing. Some complicated love poem in some distant language that could only be understood by Cody and Bailey. It made Zack feel sick.

A few moments later there were two quick raps on the door and Zack went to get it as Cody showed no indication that he had even heard the knocking.

Carey stood right outside the door and adopted a slight look of surprise at the sight of the ready-dressed Zack before her. "You're up." She seemed shocked but pleased all the same. Zack shot her a dirty look before smiling at her. Her face changed quite quickly when she looked past Zack and at the mess behind him. "Well don't even think of coming out here until that room is tidy mister" She moaned closing the door. Zack sighed and turn to look at Cody who shook his head.

"Not my mess, not my problem. I'm having a shower." He grinned leaving the room. Every since Cody had shared a room with Woody, he didn't mind Zack's untidiness as much as he used to.

Zack sighed to himself but couldn't stop a slight smile from spreading across his lips. He heard the shower start as he hastily shoved the shirts in the wardrobe. He picked up various items of his off the floor and shoved them out of sight in a half hearted attempt to please his mother. Once or twice he caught sight of his own reflection in the mirror and was distressed by how strangely his face was set. His jaw was sharply locked in place in a worried expression and his eyes seemed clouded. "Shake it off," he told himself quietly and after a few moments he had actually managed to relax his face into his normal expression, just in time for Cody to walk in. Why oh why did he have to walk around shirtless? It was actually driving Zack mad with lust. He was hard again, and that was saying something as he had just had that exciting-turned-shameful experience in the shower not ten minutes ago.

He resolutely turned the other way while Cody dressed, the latter prattling on about something or other that Zack didn't really follow. He supplied the occasional 'yeah' and that seemed like enough to his brother. Zack glanced at his watch. They didn't really have much time before their days began properly. He looked at the bedroom door hoping that the doorway were some kind of portal; that when he passed he would be able to magically forget all that he was at the moment and just be what other people wanted him to be. Zack Martin the hooligan, the lady killer. Not Zack Martin the freak in love with his own brother.


	2. Chapter 2

The day started off well, Zack had somehow managed to persuade Mr Moseby into giving him Maddie's old job since she had being promoted to Moseby's personal assistent much to her displeasure but a pay rise had easily swayed her. Zack later found out that Moseby didn't trust him completely because he was sharing Maddie's job with Will. Not that Zack minded Will, he was a few years older than Zack and had checked in a week before Zack and Cody had come back home, they had hit it off immiediately.

Zack worked the rest of the day trying to keep himself busy and distract his thoughts from Cody. Losing himself was easier than he thought as he had Will distracting him with every chance he got, pulling faces, terrorising guests and slipping Zack unpaid sweets. Every now and then he'd ask Will what time it was, each time Will told him disappointment filled him as he realised time was moving far too quickly and soon he'd be back in his suite, in his room, with Cody.

**xXx**

Zack yawned as he opened the bedroom door , feeling a rush of exhaustion as he immediately crossed the room to his bed and flung himself onto it, scattering the handful of sweets Will had given him all across the white linen.

"Zack, are you okay?" The voice was quiet and soft and Zack cracked one eye open. He found Cody's frowning face close to his own.

"Fine," Zack croaked, blinking rapidly to clear away the image of his brother's glittering eyes staring into his own. "I'm really just tired, Codes."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

Zack smiled into his pillow. "No, you have that dinner party downstairs. You don't want to disappoint mom. Bring me some food back though."

"If you're sure…" Cody didn't sound completely at ease with the idea but obliged anyway. He hastily buttoned his shirt before he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." His eyes followed Cody's back as he left the room and Zack was suddenly alone in the dead silence. It was strange being on his own and the room felt cold and foreign at once. He closed his eyes and sighed. How was he ever supposed to do this without Cody? How could he ever live on his own? Or even worse, with someone else, some girl. Zack felt a sudden aversion to the very thought. No, there was no one else he wanted to spend his life with rather than his twin. It was Cody or no one. Cody or nothing. Cody . . . or no life at all.

**xXx**

Zack was floating on some sort of cloud.

He didn't know what colour it was and how he had gotten there; all he knew was that it was nice and enveloped his entire body. Everything around him was soft and comfortable and there was something warm brushing through his hair. He jerked awake at once because the sensation was much too familiar. The first thing his senses took in after he'd gotten used to his new surroundings was the scent of Cody's cologne. It was subtle but ever since the feelings had started Zack had been finding the aroma irresistible. He froze then, immediately realising that the soft, warm something brushing through his hair was no weird heavenly breeze at all, but Cody's fingers running through his hair. He jerked away as his eyes flew open.

Cody frowned, his motions frozen. "Relax, it's just me."

Zack didn't look at him as he pushed his body into a sitting position on the bed, his muscles protesting his every move. He'd fallen asleep on his stomach and felt as though every single bone in his body had shifted. "What time is it?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"8"

"Oh." Zack watched as Cody picked upa silver platter and opened it to reveal an assortment of fancy food he had got from the party. "Woah, good night then?" Zack didn't wait for Cody's permisson he just began stuffing his face.

"It was ok, not as fun as I thought it was going to be" Cody frowned.

Zack smiled. "Welcome to the world of adults" He went to grab some more food when he noticed a small box in the middle of the platter. "What's this?" He asked as he retrieved the smaller white package.

"It's from Will," Cody replied, placing the platter down on the bed. "For you."

Opening the little box revealed a watch. "Will bought me a watch?" Zack asked as he tried it on. "Do I have some sort of extra birthday I don't know anything about?"

Cody shrugged. "He said it's so you can stop asking what time it is. You do that a lot lately."

"Yeah," Zack said distractedly as he attacked the confectionary. "That was really nice of him."

"Yeah, well, knowing Will he probably has an ulterior motive," Cody remarked casually as he got up from the bed and began rumaging through his stuff. "Where's my bag?"

"On the couch where you left it the last time," Zack replied as Cody made his way out the door. "What were you saying about Will?"

But either Cody didn't hear him or didn't want to answer because all Zack could hear was him grumbling to himself. Zack set the watch to the right time and date before he followed Cody who had found what he was looking for, his phone. Zack shook his head and switched on the tv. With Carey still at the party he turned up the sound and slumped on the couch. Every now and then he glanced at his brother texting away with a stupid grin on his face. Zack just grimaced and turned away only for his eyes to find their way back to him.

After 30 minutes Cody put the phone down and frowned. "I'm too hot for this shirt" He moaned, he had stripped out of it a moment later, Folding it neatly before placing it under his arm. He was left standing bare chested and Zack eyes locked on the sight as Cody headed toward their bedroom to change. 'Yes.' Zack thought hopelessly, unable to tear his eyes away. 'Yes you are.'


	3. Chapter 3

Zack looked at his watch.

11:36

His mom had still not returned from the party and Zack didn't think she would return at all until morning. Zack made his way to the bedroom, his brother was sitting on his bed, head buried deep in a book. "Do you ever stop learning?" Zack asked as he shrugged out of his uniform flinging it carelessly onto the floor, then proceeded to change into a pair of pj bottoms.

"Where's my phone?" Zack looked around the room, searching for the small black rectangle.

Cody didn't look up from the book he was holding and just shrugged.

Zack groaned. "Shit, Will's got it." He had let him borrow it and forgot to get it back. "I better go get it." He was tired and looking forward to heading to bed for a few hours of well deserved sleep, but also nervous about the dreams that would taunt him. Sighing, he made his way to the door but before he could open it he heard Cody's voice.

"I'd put a shirt on if I were you," Cody said, still with his eyes on the pages of the book in his hands.

Zack yawned tiredly, his hand was already resting on the door handle. "He's only a few doors over."

Cody glanced up then, an awkward little smirk on his lips. "I'm just thinking you don't want to be ogled."

Zack looked at him blankly. "It's late no one is going to be out in the corridor."

Cody rolled his eyes. "I mean by Will, obviously."

"What?"

Cody stared at him then, really stared, and a slightly incredulous look came upon his face. "Will . . . likes you," he said slowly. "You do know that, right?"

Zack frowned. "Well, yeah, of course, we're mates. He likes you too. "

"No, I mean . . ." Cody looked even more confused than before. "Will fancies you."

Zack stared blankly at his brother for a few seconds before letting out a bark of laughter. "What? What are you on about?"

"Oh, come on!" Cody set the book down, its contents forgotten for a moment. "You can't not have noticed."

"Codes, there's absolutely no way that Will likes me like that. He's straight! He likes women."

"Oh, really? Name one time when you've seen him with one or even chatted one up?" Cody challenged.

Zack quickly racked his brain for some moment in their short friendship when he'd spotted Will with someone of the opposite sex, but all he came up with was a few overheard conversations that Will had had with a few mature women customers and they hadn't held even the vaguest hint of romance, all professional. This realisation made Zack feel uncomfortable, especially coupled with Cody's statement.

"You can't, can you?"

"That doesn't mean anything," Zack argued, more to himself than his brother. "Will's straight, I know it."

"If he really is then he's doing a shit job of it."

"He doesn't like me," Zack insisted stubbornly, but even so he found his eyes straying towards a black t-shirt across the room. He was unsure now. Perhaps he shouldn't be walking around the hotel not wearing a shirt. Not that he believed his twin was right or anything.

Cody's face got a curious expression. "I caught him doing something once," he said cryptically and rather effectively grabbing Zack's interest.

"What?"

Cody smirked, one eyebrow curving. "I went to the lobby once he was sitting down watching something on his phone."

"What?" Zack repeated, his voice cracking for some reason. He was staring intently at Cody now, as if that would somehow make him spit the words out faster.

Cody shrugged, still wearing that little smirk and clearly savouring Zack's eagerness. "Let's just say it wasn't anything even remotely appropriate for a public place."

"Cody, I swear…"

Cody grinned. "It was gay porn, all right? I saw it full on and let me tell you, Will likes the pretty blond ones." He eyed Zack with a curious twinkle in his eye. "Like you."

Zack felt a blush creep onto his cheeks but decided to ignore the last comment. "It still doesn't mean he's gay, maybe he just . . . maybe it was a joke text?"

Cody snorted and grabbed the book he had been reading before. "Yeah, that's what he said. Still went out of his way to hide his crotch though."

Zack was feeling more and more like just turning around and heading to bed. He didn't even need his phone that much. Surely, his friends would be all right without their texts being replied to for a few hours. But he hesitated, standing in front of the door with one foot between it and the frame to keep it open. "Why do you think he likes me?" The question came of its own accord.

"Little things. He always talks about you, he watches you a lot, and he touches you more than he needs to but it's more a feeling. It's just obvious."

Zack stared intently at his brother but didn't comment. Cody's face showed nothing of interest, no irritation or jealousy. It was like he didn't care that someone else wanted Zack. Or might want him, as Zack still wasn't convinced. It stung a little that he could find no trace of his own feelings mirrored in his twin. "I don't think you're right about Will," Zack said stubbornly.

"Go ask him then," Cody suggested without sparing Zack a single look. "I'm going to sleep. You can tell me all about Will's crush on you tomorrow." The light went out even before Zack could shoot him a frown.

"Fine," he mumbled as he left the bedroom and groped for the keycard he had left on the table by the suite's door. He found it and shoved it into his pocket and headed out the suite into the bright corridor, feeling nervous as the door shut behind him with a soft click. It was quiet and empty around him. Will's room was just two doors away and he found himself wandering over, his head slowly filling with the past conversation. What if Cody was actually right? Now that Zack came to think about it, these random moments came to his mind and played up scenes he thought he had long since forgotten. Will's smile directed his way, casual touching where it wasn't necessary, deep stares that seemed aimed at him and him alone. It made him feel uncomfortable.

Despite his hesitation, he raised his fist and knocked on the door, deciding only to wait three seconds before going back to his room and forgetting all of this. Maybe Will was still helping out at the party? Perhaps he had met some lucky lady and hadn't come home just like their mother? Maybe he was with their mother? Zack shuddered.

"Zack?"

Zack blinked. He was confused at first as he stared forward, the brown planes of the door no longer there. Instead there was a bare chest in his line of view, one that was very unlike his own. "Hey." His voice came out as a croak and he quickly cleared it before forcing his eyes to meet Will's. "I came for my phone" Zack didn't miss the way Will's eyes darted to his naked chest.

"Your phone?" Will seemed momentarily confused before something in his eyes seemed to clear. "Oh yeah, right." He turned around and leaned toward a chair to the side of the door amd picked up a black iphone. "I meant to give it too you at the end of our shift but with Moseby harping on about the party it slipped my mind," he explained as he handed the phone over to Zack.

Zack nodded and tried his best not to stare at the toned inches of bare skin in front of him. Will was wearing even less than Zack; just a pair of tight fitting red boxers that showed off nearly as much as they hid. Zack felt a tingle in some strange, indefinable place deep inside him at the sight. In the month he'd known him he'd never seen him in such little clothing and the sensation was surprising to Zack but not unpleasant. Maybe the reason why he had never thought about Will in that way was because he had been so hung up on Cody since he'd arrived back. Had he just taken the time to consider other options, then maybe thoughts of Will would have entered his mind sooner. And maybe even thoughts of Cody could go away.

"Was there something else? Is everything okay?"

Zack jerked out of his reverie, once again focusing on Will's face. "It's all fine," he assured, then hesitated, rolling the phone over in his hands. "Cody's asleep and I'm not tired."

"Oh. Do you want to hang for a bit?" Will stood back from the doorway, silently inviting Zack in.

Zack nodded slowly as took a few steps inside. The room wasn't nearly as big or fancy as theirs. Everything was all squashed into one room, a double bed claimed most of the space and two chairs were pushed up in the corner by the door. There was the smallest kitchen Zack had ever encountered hidden in one corner of the room. The widest wall held a simple dresser with a small flat screen TV standing on it and an opened door led the way to a small bathroom. Zack was not at all sure about this. He had a weird feeling in his stomach that wouldn't settle and he felt a great need to bolt just as the door shut behind him. "So, uh . . . what are you up to?" His voice sounded unnaturally high pitched to him but Will didn't seem to notice.

"Just watching telly." Will walked to the bathroom and grabbed a toothbrush. "Go ahead and sit down. The remote is on the bed, you can watch whatever you want."

Zack felt awkward as he gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, as if it would bite him or something if he actually made himself comfortable. He grabbed the plastic remote and absent-mindedly zapped by a few sitcoms, news reports and a reality show before stopping on a documentary about African wildlife. He watched it for a few moments but had to change the channel as a lion suddenly and mercilessly tore apart a sprinting zebra. Feeling slightly disgusted, he flicked to a music show but lowered the volume until there was only a slight buzzing sound coming from the TV. He hadn't come here to hang out with Will. He needed to talk to him. He opened his mouth slowly and chose every word carefully before he voiced them. "Cody and I were just talking about you." He waited and after hearing a spitting sound coming from the other room, Will peeked his head out. He was brushing his teeth and looking a little tired.

"Oh really? Is he angry with me again?" His voice was disinterested.

"What?"

"We had a bit of a row tonight; didn't he tell you?"

Zack frowned. "A row? What about?"

Will held up a finger, signaling Zack to wait as he went to spit out the toothpaste. "It was just something stupid when we were downatairs at the party," he said as he came back out, flicking off the light in the toilet and giving the door a lazy push with his hand, making it close about half-way. "It wasn't a big deal and if he didn't tell you then that means he didn't think it was either."

"But what was it about?" Zack prodded.

Will sighed as he walked around the bed and laid down, resting comfortably against the headboard. "He didn't like me buying you that watch for some reason." He rolled his eyes.

Zack thoughtfully looked down at the yellow strap around his wrist. So Cody hadn't liked Will to buy this. Why? Was Cody maybe jealous? Zack immediately felt stupid for the pathetic little rush of hope that surged up inside him. Yeah. As if!

"Thanks for this," he said, indicating the watch. "Was it expensive?"

Will turned to him and smiled. "It's a gift. That means you shouldn't worry about the price."

Zack's eyes darted sideways and found Will staring at him. He was distracted by the way Will stared at him and didn't turn away. Zack was acutely aware of how little space there suddenly seemed to be between them. When exactly had he got onto the bed and laid down next to Will? His heart was beginning to speed up but he fought to keep himself on track. There was something he needed to know, but he was afraid of asking the question straight out so he chose the longer way around it. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What?" Will looked surprised for a moment but then his face softened into a small smile. "Do you think I'd be lying here with you if I did?"

Zack pondered his words for a second. "When was your last one?"

Will looked amused. "Some time ago. It's been a while."

"Do you . . . do you like someone now?"

"Is this a tell-all session or something?"

Zack smirked. "Maybe."

"Well then," Will smiled and sat up straighter. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You didn't answer mine," Zack protested.

"I've answered two," Will corrected. "It's my turn now."

Zack pursed his lips. "Okay."

"Have you every had sex with anyone?"

Zack was surprised by the question but gave Will a sideways smirk. "What do you think?"

Will stared back with an intrigued look in his eyes. "I don't know," he said slowly.

Zack felt a blush rise on his face but hoped the room was dark enough to disguise it. "No I haven't" Will smiled a glint of excitment in his eyes. "My turn again," he said before Will could say anything. "Since we're already on the subject . . . when was the last time you . . .you know, with someone."

"I'm sorry, what?" Will looked amused. "Could you rephrase the question?"

Zack rolled his eyes, knowing that Will enjoyed his discomfort. "When was the last time you had sex?"

Will chuckled. "That wasn't so difficult, was it?" The smile faded away after a few moments and he let his eyes settle on the TV. He looked uncomfortable now. "It was about two days ago."

"Really?"

Will nodded shortly. "Yeah. It was just a random, stupid thing."

"So why did you do it?"

"I was feeling. . . lonely, I guess." He shrugged.

"So you had like a one night stand?"

Will glanced sideways at him, frowning as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Is that judgement in your voice?"

"No," Zack said immediately and not truthfully. He had never really being a one women kind of guy in the past, he'd being branded a player but since Maya came into his life and out of it and Cody became his fixture of affections he didn't see the point in being in a meaningless relationship or having meaningless sex with people you barely know anymore. In some way he felt like he had matured a lot in a short time since he was back ashore.

"Look Zack," Will said uncomfortably. "Sometimes people make mistakes. That last person was just a bad . . . bad decision on my part."

"Why was it bad?" Zack asked softly.

Will sighed. "Because I thought about someone else the entire time." The way he said it and the way his face froze up afterward made Zack suspect that the words had slipped out unintentionally.

"Who?" He quickly asked. He was staring at Will's profile, really taking in his face for the first time. There was nothing there in the attractive features that reminded him of Cody and for some weird reason that felt good. It made him feel relieved.

Will's eyebrows were slightly pushed together as he turned his head to look at Zack. "Just someone I like."

Zack leaned the side of his head back against the headboard, not taking his eyes off of Will's. "Who?" He repeated.

Slowly, Will moved closer and his eyes swept across Zack's face. Zack could see every one of Will's dark eyelashes and smell the scent of mint toothpaste.

Their lips were just an inch apart.


	4. Chapter 4

Zack fumbled around his pocket for the keycard he knew was there with his iPhone, but cursed as his fingers just kept finding the phone. His heart was hammering in his chest as he stared desperately at the door in front of him. Any second now Will would come after him and Zack wanted to avoid that at all cost. Finally, a thin square slipped between his fingers and he retrieved it, hastily forcing it inside the slot in the lock. He heard the click of the door and he was able to go through just as he heard Will scramble to open his own a few metres away.

"Zack! Wait!"

But Zack was already inside the dark room, the door shut and locked. He felt like he had just run a mile. He fell back against the door, trying to keep his breathing under control. Will was probably right outside. Zack listened intently for any noise that might prove his theory but there was no sound except for his twin's rhythmic breathing coming from their bedroom. In the silence there was no way to get away from the very recent memories in his mind. Zack slowly sank to the floor, his knees drawn tight up against his body. He leaned his forehead on them in an attempt to still his mind that just wouldn't stop spinning.

They had kissed.

He couldn't believe it. How the hell had it happened? One minute they were just relaxing and talking and the next Will's warm lips were covering his own. Zack had known it was coming about two seconds before but he hadn't been able to pull away. Something had been keeping him still and waiting for the inevitable. He shouldn't have liked it. He should have stopped it right away. He most definitely shouldn't have kissed Will back. The image wouldn't leave his retinas, the one of Will's face coming closer and the accompanying sensation of another guy's mouth on his.

The kiss had meant something, Zack just couldn't figure out what. His brain was nearly exploding with the recent memory and he could barely make sense of it, much less figure out the meaning behind it. All he knew was that he and Will had kissed for a few peaceful moments and then he had felt a warm hand slide around his back. His naked back. And that was all it had taken for Zack's eyes to spring open, even though he wasn't quite sure when had they even fallen closed, and for him to pull away, scrambling off the bed and out of the room; Will calling his name behind him.

It had been too much too soon and some logical part of his brain had managed to steal away the reins from whatever was steering the irrational part of him. That feeling that had come over him just now was something unlike anything he had ever experienced. It was panicked, terrified, and he just couldn't understand where it had come from. It had been a kiss, not the the end of the world. Except, the kiss meant betrayal. Sure he had kissed many, many girls in the past but never a guy. He had let Cody down, he had broken some invisible bond that had always been between them. The bond that Cody probably didn't even feel was there.

Zack took a deep, steady breath and lifted his head slowly. It felt like he was back at sea, with the waves sinking and falling in his mind but at least the rave party had faded from his head. He sat there against the door for a few minutes until he felt a bit better, then made his way half-crawling in the darkness to their bedroom and to Cody's sleeping form. His twin was lying on his side with one arm tucked under his pillow and the other hanging off the bed. Zack stared at his face for what seemed like a long time. There was a sliver of light coming from the window that cast a pale tendril across Cody's face, illuminating the features that always looked so innocent in sleep. Slowly, Zack stretched out his arm and gingerly took hold of his brother's hand. It was smooth and warm and familiar and it made Zack's uneven breath come out a little easier. "I'm sorry," he whispered, but almost no sound came out. He was choking up but forced himself to go on. "I never wanted to let you down. I'm so sorry. I love you so much." Cody didn't stir. He just looked peaceful and perfect. Zack leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the back of Cody's hand. Then he let go and without hesitation scurried between the sheets next to his brother. He couldn't deal with the actions that had happened tonight, all he needed was to be closed to Cody because it was the only thing that could make him forget everything else. Cody made everything else disappear.

Zack moved as close as he could without actually touching and he found himself relaxing at the faint whiff coming from Cody of soap and his own scent mixed into a comforting concoction. Maybe in the morning everything would have turned out to be a bad dream and everything would back be normal again.

Zack could only hope.

**xXx**

It was three minutes past eight the next morning when Zack finally gave up on his attempt to fall asleep. He had slept for about two hours before he had woken, curled up against Cody's back and holding him tightly. Zack had let go immediately, feeling terribly guilty that he wasn't able to control himself. He only hoped Cody hadn't realised, being in his bed was one thing he could explain but body contact would be a different matter.

The rain that had slashed down outside throughout the previous day had gone but rushing winds had taken its place. The window glass cracked as particularly vicious torrents of air came at it and despite it being warm in the room and even nicer between the sheets, Zack found himself shivering at the sound.

He felt exhausted though as he got out of bed and padded to the bathroom, frowning as he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. Dark, bruise-like shadows played under his eyes and his milky skin seemed particularly translucent this morning. It looked as though his body lacked quite a few necessary vitamins. Zack figured his washed-out appearance wasn't only due to his lack of sleep. His life had been stressful ever since they'd come back from sea but the word stress had taken on a whole new meaning in the past few days.

A fiery hot shower raised his spirits somewhat but did nothing for his exhaustion or dull his mind to the thoughts of the night before. Will was constantly there in his mind, as was Cody, and Zack was not sure he could keep them there in that capacity for that much longer. He couldn't believe how he had gotten himself into this mess. He loved his twin so much but had gone and kissed some other guy. How could he had done that to Cody? He wasn't that kind of guy anymore, his player days were over.

Zack stared at his own face in the mirror, his blond hair slightly darkened by the water and dripping down his nose. Cody wasn't actually his though, he had to remind himself. Never was and never would be.

He couldn't bear to see more of his face so he tore his eyes away from the mirror and left the bathroom. Cody still hadn't moved from the position which Zack's body had been wrapped around and he found himself slowing his steps toward his own bed across the room and just watched his brother. During that instant between sleep and consciousness he had been aware of how his twin's body felt against his own. Cody's skin, so warm and smooth and pristine, combined with his intoxicating scent had made every fibre in Zack's body want the moment to last forever.

He shook out of his thoughts and went to get dressed before he woke Cody up. Once dressed he headed back over to his brother. He didn't touch him this time, just used his voice to lure his brother from sleep. The moment was so alike every other day but this time yesterday, the complication of Will had not existed and Zack couldn't get the latter quite all the way out of his mind as he saw Cody's eyes blink up at him blearily.

"What?"

"Come grab some breakfast downstairs, I'll pay" Zack said.

Cody closed his eyes and let out a low whine. "What have you broken?"

"Nothing I'm just hungry and don't fancy eating alone, Codes. Please." The plea in Zack's voice was real but his actual words weren't. He needed to get out of this room because just a few metres away, through walls that probably weren't very thick at all, was Will and just the thought of him made Zack feel terribly uncomfortable.

Cody groaned into the pillow. "Fine," came the muffled reply. "But I'm going back to bed afterwards."

"Yeah, okay."

They left only a few minutes later. Cody was following Zack out of the room like a modern-day zombie. Zack peeked into the corridor, it was empty and quiet, but he still walked briskly toward the lift and passed Will's door while pretending it wasn't there.

"Should we ask if Will wants to come?" Cody asked, but Zack quickly shook his head.

"He finished late last night I bet he just wants to sleep"

"I want to sleep, I was there too you know" Cody pointed out as he jabbed his thumb against the button for the lift.

"Okay," Zack mumbled, purposefully letting his expression fall a little. "I guess I could eat alone."

Cody rolled his eyes. "That won't work on me." But he still stayed, just like Zack knew he would.

"Thanks, Codes. I promise you can sleep later."

The lift arrived and they entered. Zack glanced nervously around as the doors started to close, all too aware of the movie moments when the least desirable person would slide their hand between them at the last moment, but no one interrupted the silvery doors this time. The restaurant was half-full, mostly with people wearing dark suits and somber expressions behind morning editions of news papers. Zack and Cody stuck out like sore thumbs in their shirts, jeans and trainers but not many people paid them any attention. Zack scanned the room for signs of Will upon entering but didn't spot him anywhere.

"Can you believe how different this hotel is now?" Cody looked around, a small frown appearing on his face.

"Yeah. Well things change" Zack looked at the selection of food they had. "People change"

Cody scanned the different cereal, frowning at the highly sugared ones. "What a selection."

"Just pick something," Zack mumbled, his eyes darting from Cody's profile in the morning light to the entrance they'd just come through. "Let's get a table." He grabbed a cooked breakfast and found an empty booth at the other end of the room. A wide mirror stretched alongside the wall and he took the seat opposite it so as to be able to watch out for any unwanted people looming about .Cody joined him a minute later, balancing a tray with eating utensils and the large bowl of fruit in his hands. "You can't just get the entire bowl," Zack protested.

"Well I'm not eating any of that! Think of your body breaking down all that sugar and. . ."

"Ok. Whatever." Zack sighed but Cody remained casually unperturbed. The image of Cody sitting there and smiling smugly to himself made Zack feel warm and happy inside. "You're the best brother ever," he said spontaneously.

Cody smiled at him. "Yes I am."

Just falling deeper, Zack thought to himself as he watched Cody tear into his breakfast. He glanced into the mirror behind Cody and saw a familiar figure just walking into the room. Will was glancing around as he walked and the expression on his face was serious. Worried. Zack froze like a deer in headlight. Any minute now Will would spot him. There was nowhere to hide. Zack's pounding heart could probably be heard from across the room.

Will glanced right, then left, and then found Zack's eyes reflected in the mirror. There was a moment where he seemed to teeter forward, almost as if he was going to walk towards him, but then something changed. Maybe he had noticed Cody, maybe the previous night's images had come to him. Maybe he didn't know what to say. Zack didn't either. He didn't even know how to move. Their eyes were connected for what seemed like hours, but then abruptly Will dropped his gaze, his eyes flickering around nervously and then he turned, shoving his fist into the pockets of the grey hoodie he was wearing. Zack watched him leave the restaurant and exit through the swinging hotel door, walking out into the freezing winds.

"Hello! Planet Cody to Zack! Come in Zack!"

Zack blinked and focused his eyes on Cody who was waving a hand in his face. "What?" he said irritably, pushing away his breakfast as he had suddenly lost his appetite.

"I was talking to you and you zoned out. I should feel insulted."

"Do you?"

"No." Cody smiled happily. "I'm just wondering what you were thinking about."

Zack took a sip of water. "Nothing really."

"Bet I can guess."

Bet you can't. "It's nothing Codes, I suppose I'm just a little tired. I think I'll go to sleep as well."

Cody looked at him and it was one of those stares that made Zack uncomfortable every single time because he found it too penetrating, like his thoughts weren't safe.

"All right," Cody said slowly, still eyeing Zack curiously. "If you say so."

**xXx**

Zack was distracted all the way back to their room. He kept thinking about Will and his expression and the way he had left. Will had opened his mouth a little, just like he had wanted to say something but changed his mind. Zack wondered what words would have come out. He felt an odd confusion curling in the pit of his stomach and it was made worse every time he looked at Cody. Double the confusion. Zack was pretty sure he was going mad.

"You look tired," Cody noted when they were inside.

"I am," Zack sighed. "Maybe this new job is getting to me." He shrugged out of his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt, flinging it on the back of a chair.

"You just need some love and attention and you'll be as good as new."

Zack glanced at his twin but Cody wasn't looking his way. Love and attention. Yeah, that would work. "Do you know where I can get some of that?"

Cody smiled as he kicked off his shoes and stripped out of the jacket he was wearing. "Yes. Right here." He pointed at himself.

Zack smiled faintly. "Can I request an Cody-hug?"

"Granted," Cody said as he walked the space separating them and wrapped his arms around Zack's shoulders.

"No."

"No?" Cody looked confused as he pulled back enough to see Zack's face.

"That's how you hug Woody," Zack noted. "I'm your brother."

Cody's face softened back into a smile. "Okay, I'll make it special for you." He went for it again, sliding his arms around Zack's neck in an intimate embrace as he pulled him close, their bodies pressing together tightly. This was definitely not the way Cody hugged Woody.

Zack felt his eyes close automatically and he surreptitiously inhaled the sweet scent coming off the crook of Cody's neck. This was it, this was perfect. Cody's body was so warm and soft and comforting and Zack was pretty sure he would be able to fall asleep standing up, as long as he had those arms around him.

"Better?" Cody asked softly, his breath caressing Zack's ear.

"Yeah," Zack mumbled. "Much better." Cody's face was so close and Zack was hyper aware of the distance of his lips. If he just angled his head a little bit, he'd be able to feel them. Would they taste like the fruit he'd just had? Or something else?

"Let's sleep now." That was that. Zack's thoughts were interrupted when he felt the weight of his twin's arms leave his shoulders and were left cold and bare. He watched Cody bound to his bed and slide under the covers and Zack followed suit slumping into his own bed.

"Zack?"

"Mmm?"

"Grab your sheets and come over here" Zack's jerked up at Cody's demand. "It's freezing!"

Zack obliged desperate for more contact. He felt a deep and sudden need for it now as he yanked the sheets off his bed and made his way over to his twins. He dived into the other bed feeling around for Cody. He rested his head just behind Cody's, leaving just a thin sliver of air between them. Zack could still smell him like this.

"Mmm," Cody sighed. "This is nice, much warmer."

Zack smiled where he lay. Happiness. That's what this was to him. Happiness and love. And underlying feelings of lust, but Zack pretended they didn't exist. He was too tired and too content to think about the whole picture at the moment and even though he knew they shouldn't sleep like this, that this was no way of overcoming his love for Cody, maybe just this once he would let himself feel at peace.


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you actually serious? You've been there for six weeks and that's the best you can do?"

Zack frowned in his sleep as the words came to him. He was unable to make sense of them, especially in the setting of the expansive field at his feet and the strange lake in the middle. He was alone, so why the hell was he hearing voices?

"I think you're going home this time, sweetie."

Zack's frown deepened as the field and the odd lake melted away and he was suddenly blinking up at white ceiling panes. He turned his head and found Cody sitting up in bed, staring intently ahead. "Who are you talking to?" Zack voice was thick with sleep.

"Hey." Cody glanced down and smiled. "Megan."

"Megan?" Zack asked confused.

Cody hooked his thumb and motioned toward their new TV mounted on the wall. "On America's Next Top Model." He shook his head sadly. "She's such a mess this week."

Zack relaxed into the mattress and let his eyes close again. "Oh."

"She can't pose for toffee and she looks too much like a monkey," Cody went on. "Or a goblin."

"Poor Megan," Zack yawned disinterestedly.

Cody shrugged. "Well to be fair, the judges have told her to keep her posture in check she just doesn't listen! It's her own fault if she gets booted off."

"She should just take a leaf out of your book. You always listen to others, don't you?" Zack smirked into the pillow but Cody was too busy watching the show that he didn't seem to hear.

Zack sat up next to his twin. "What time is it?" He asked.

Cody looked at his alarm clock to the side of him. "10:12, still early really"

"Has anyone come by?" Zack wondered, hoping that his voice sounded casual enough for his brother not to ask questions.

"Like who?" Cody's eyes were still fixed on tv.

"I don't know, just, anyone"

"No"

"Okay," Zack mumbled, his mind going straight to Will. Where had he gone? Was he back in his room or still out? He had to go talk to him, to sort this mess out. What to say though? Confusion was stamped all over his mind.

Zack stayed quiet during the final minutes of the show and watched, not particularly surprised, when the brunette called Megan was sent home in tears.

"Well, that's that," Cody said cheerfully and bounced off the bed, his feet practically landing in his shoes. "Let's go downstairs!"

"Codes, I just woke up," Zack groaned as he pushed himself up, stumbling over his pair of shoes. "I don't want to look like I just got out of bed."

"But the guests will like you like that, especially the female ones" Cody smirked. "They love the rugged look on a guy"

Zack shook his head to himself but couldn't hold back a laugh. "Shut up." He went over to the mirror to check on his appearance, quickly giving his hair a comb-through with his fingers . A few hours of sleep had really made a difference to his face, especially around the eyes. The whites were less red and the shadows underneath could barely be seen now. He nodded slightly to his reflection.

"Let's go," Cody urged and Zack tore his eyes from the mirror and followed his twin downstairs.

With it being his day off he felt more relaxed than usual, but he couldn't help but worry about bumping into Will with it being his day off aswell. They headed outside where they were greeted with a bitter wind. Cody moved closer to Zack. They spent the time, walking anywhere and everywhere, talking about anything and everything and laughing. Despite the weather, it was all just so perfect.

**xXx**

Zack's fingers were stiff and icy by the time they finally made it back to their suite. "Why is it so fricken cold?" He muttered.

Cody shivered. "I don't know but it is definately not good for my sensitive skin. What is it starts flaking? What if I have Windburn? I think I can feel it coming off." He lifted a hand to scratch at his cheek but Zack caught it.

"Your skin is perfect, okay? It's definitely not coming off. Besides I don't think windburn exists!"

Cody smiled lazily at him and Zack couldn't help but stare back. He was still holding onto Cody's hand and knew that he should let go but he didn't want to. As cold as it was, it felt good in his own. Cody's brown eyes were like sunbeams because Zack felt his face go warm as he felt them on him. The moment was so perfect. No noise, nothing, just the two of them. Zack desperately wanted to just lean forward and place his lips against Cody's. It could be done so quickly from this distance, and he would be able to feel Cody's mouth before Cody could turn away. But Zack stayed still and Cody moved away a moment later.

Dejection filled Zack as he followed Cody into their room and sink down beneath the sheets one more, flicking the remote and turning on the TV. "Are we just going to watch the telly all night?"

"Yup," Cody replied simply.

Zack nodded and suppressed a sigh. He went to the bathroom, closed the door and turned the lock. It was rare that he locked himself in and away from Cody but he needed to be alone for a few minutes. Leaning heavily on the sink, he stared at his own reflection in the mirror, seeing his brother's face as well as his own, though Cody was rarely wearing the muted expression Zack's face displayed now. He'd wanted to kiss Cody so badly and he didn't know what to do with himself now. He stared at his lips but they didn't remind him of Cody's, instead they made him think about the last person they had touched. Will. Zack's finger's clenched around the marble edges of the sink until his knuckles were white. He felt hot all of a sudden and couldn't stop the images from coming back to him. The kiss had actually been nice, now that he thought about it. More than nice really. Hot.

He slowly let out a breath that he apparently had been holding and stood up straighter. He knew what he had to do.

Cody was on the phone when Zack came back into the room. "-You know I love you way more than Galileo's theory of gravity. . ."

Bailey. Zack rolled his eyes. The very thought of her made Zack's insides knot and the green eyed monster rise from within. The way Cody spoke of her, spoke to her, just made Zack envious that Cody would never speak of him like that.

"I'm just going over to Will's for a bit," Zack stated as he put on a black sweatshirt and zipped it up. He wasn't going there half naked this time. "Do you want to come?" He asked, already knowing which answer he'd get.

"I'm fine here," Cody said. He turned his attention back to the phone. "What? No. Not possible, Galileo was-"

Zack didn't hear the rest of the conversation. He let the door close behind him and walked out of the suite and over to Will's room. He knocked twice and was left standing there wondering whether or not it would open. Maybe Will wasn't in, maybe he hadn't come back from his walk this morning. A man and a woman passed him in the corridor and Zack felt awkward for just standing there. He raised his hand to knock once more but just then the door opened.

Will's expression was somber before he saw who it was. "Zack," he breathed and immediately looked more alert.

"Hey," Zack mumbled, feeling even more stupid now. He hadn't actually planned what to say, which in hindsight was not a good idea. A moment of silence stretched into many.

"I . . . " Will started, his eyes nervously flickering away from Zack's. "I was going to talk to you this morning, but . . ."

"Yeah," Zack mumbled again. What the hell was wrong with him? Say something! "I saw you leaving. Where did you go?"

Will shrugged. "Nowhere really, just walked around for a bit. I needed some air."

Oh." Zack found himself back on the single-syllable words.

"Listen," Will started, looking uncomfortable. "I want to explain about what happened yesterday."

Zack nodded. "Okay."

"Can we not do it out here?" Will glanced down the corridor to the couple that had passed Zack, then stepped to the side in the doorway, silently inviting him in.

Zack glanced to his left. The couple were waiting for the lift now and looked too far away to possibly overhear the conversation but he still took a few careful steps into the room. Will seemed to notice his discomfort though and stepped away from the door himself, letting Zack decided whether or not to close it. Zack hesitated, not at all sure that a confined space would do either of them any good, but he swallowed down the hesitation and closed the door with a soft click.

Will quickly glanced at him before turning his eyes away. He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out, then tried once more with the same results.

Zack watched him silently, feeling equally empty for words. He'd thought seeing Will so distressed would make himself more confident but apparently not. He folded his arms across his chest just to have something to do and glanced around the room as he waited for his friend to produce words. Zack's eyes immediately got stuck on the bed and the memories of what had happened there the day before rolled out in front of his eyes. He quickly tore them away but he could already feel a burn spread on his cheeks. "I thought I was going to get an explanation," he said, irritation creeping into his tone now. The situation was all so awkward.

Will ran a hand through over his short hair and sighed. "I . . . " He found the nearest empty chair and sat down heavily, leaning his elbows on his knees. "I don't know what happened," he said slowly. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have kissed you, it was stupid."

Zack raised an eyebrow, not impressed. "So what? I'm one of those mistakes you were talking about yesterday?"

"No, no of course not," Will protested immediately. "Or maybe . . .I don't know Zack. I'm just ... It's not ... It was inappropriate and I'm sorry."

Zack watched Will wring his hands with his head downcast. He'd never seen him like this before. Will always knew what to do and he was never lost for words but he looked like a little lost schoolchild now where he sat. Zack suddenly wanted to comfort him, to do anything that would make Will himself again. He walked a few steps over and gingerly placed his hand on Will's shoulder. It wasn't narrow like Cody's, but wide and muscular and Zack had to choke down an impulse to let his hand slide down the strong-looking arm. "You can't take all the blame," he admitted unwillingly. "I kissed you back."

"You did," Will agreed, almost apologetically. "Why?"

Zack shrugged, letting his hand break contact with Will's shoulder as Will stood up. He was taller and Zack had to look up at him. "I guess it was . . . nice."

Will smiled crookedly. "You look as though you didn't think it would be."

Zack looked away awkwardly. "I've never thought about it."

Will dropped his gaze. "No, of course not. Why would you?" He mumbled.

Zack licked his lips nervously. There wasn't a lot of room between them now and he sort of wanted to step back but thought it would seem rude so he stayed in place. "So what happens now?"

"I don't know," Will said. "Are we okay, or. . .?"

"Yeah, of course," Zack said quickly and produced a smile. He sensed an end to the conversation and was eager to meet it. He just wanted to get out of the awkward bubble he was in.

Will smiled back but it was frail and disappeared quickly. "I really hope this won't change anything between us. I like you, Zack, so much, and I don't want you to think of me any differently."

Zack stared at him, taking in the features of his friend's face as he spoke and could tell that Will really meant the words. He did like Zack. Zack knew that now. "Do you regret it?" Zack wondered curiously. "The kiss."

"I regret upsetting you," Will replied carefully.

"You didn't upset me, you just caught me off guard." It was sort of true. "But that's not what I asked." Zack watched Will's slightly embarrassed face and found himself smiling at it. It was definitely a new expression.

"I suppose you regret it."

Zack raised an eyebrow. "Don't try to turn it around. Answer the question."

Will closed his eyes for a moment, looking like he was steeling himself, then opened them and stared straight into Zack's brown ones. "Not one bit."

It was all Zack needed. The next moment was like a repeat of the day before. Their faces seemed to have been gravitating toward each other without them knowing, until suddenly their lips were touching again. It was different this time, less hesitant, more urgent. Zack slid his hand to the back of Will's neck, holding onto him as they kissed. It was intense and Will had clearly had a lot of practise as had Zack. Will ignited a tingling sensation in Zack's stomach that went all the way down to his toes.

He allowed himself to relax and let Will lead, enjoying the feel of strong hands on his hips this time. Zack didn't know what had changed really but he didn't think he would have minded being half-naked this second time. Better and better, he found himself thinking as the kiss deepened and then his mind suddenly realised that his body was pushed close to Will's and that something was pressing into him. He pulled away in surprise, but not before he realised that he himself was hard too.

Will looked ruffled and confused for a second before he followed Zack's eyes to his crotch. "Oh."

"Um," Zack said. "Maybe we should cool it a bit." He meant it just as much for himself as Will.

"Yeah," Will breathed in agreement. It sounded shaky.

Zack had to fight to keep his voice even. He had always thought he was in great shape but he was nearly panting now and he had barely moved. "I should probably go."

"Yeah, okay," Will mumbled.

There was a little pause when neither of them knew what to say and Zack felt a blush start to creep into his cheeks. "I uh. . . night." He made to leave but came to a stop in front of the door with one hand clutching the handle. He didn't turn around as he spoke. "Can I come back here, tomorrow, after our shift?"

There was a moment of silence before Will replied, sounding a little surprised. "Yeah. Of course."

Zack gave him a quick smile over his shoulder before he left. He felt giddy and happy and desperately needed a wank.

And the best part . . .

He hadn't thought of Cody once.


	6. Chapter 6

Zack lay in Cody's bed later that night at his brothers request, his mind too worked up to fall into sleep. Cody was snoozing beside him but Zack took no notice. There was someone else in his head now, someone very different from the slight figure to his left. Will. For the first in a while, Zack felt normal again. He liked someone he didn't share genes with.

He smiled up at the dark ceiling, having already repressed the moments after he'd gotten back to his suite and hurried into the bathroom to take care of business. It had been quick to deal with, not more than a minute and he'd seen Will at first but then right before his legs got weak and rubbery, Cody had popped into his mind. Will may have made Zack hard but Cody had made him come, though he pretended not to remember that last little detail.

What did it matter anyway? Maybe he actually had a chance now to get past the Cody-thing and then maybe one day their relationship would be back to normal. Hopefully there would come a time when he didn't want to reach out and touch his brother just to know that he was there. Maybe there would even be a moment when Zack wouldn't want to know what his twin's kiss would feel like.

He turned his head and watched Cody through the darkness, feeling as the pleased sensation ran out of him like the sand in an hourglass. The sight was perfect. Zack had to quench every impulse not to reach out and let his finger tops glide across the calm expression on his brother's face. He watched Cody for a while and no images of anyone else came to him. That might have been a clue to what this really was.

Maybe Will didn't actually change a thing, but for now though, he was all Zack had.

**xXx**

Zack was half-asleep the next morning as he stood under the shower spray. He always liked his showers hot but the temperature didn't seem warm enough this morning as his eyelids kept falling down in regular intervals. He didn't understand it, he should be awake and alert after the full day off he'd just had, though he did accept that maybe the events of the previous day had been a lot for his mind to take.

He yawned as he massaged shampoo into his hair and tried his best to scoop it up before it slid into his eyes. He'd had strange dreams all night. Not a single one about Will or about any of the things they had done, but just odd images that didn't make any sense. Zack would have expected to dream something that connected the moments with Will and his subconscious, but apparently not. If he'd had them, then maybe he wouldn't have woken up half-erect and excited. He quickly let the spray clear away the white foam from his hair and then slid a hand down and grasped himself. The shampoo made his grip slick and the friction made him want to let out the moan he had to bite his lower lip to contain.

He conjured up a picture of Will and was determined not to let him morph into anyone else. He imaged the kiss from yesterday, or kisses, how they differed in rhythm and feel and the way his body had reacted to the sensations. He pumped himself faster, tightening his grip every time his thumb and forefinger slid over the head. His eyes were closed as he worked himself but his lips were parted and tiny breaths were escaping them.

"Zack?"

Zack's eyes flew open and stared around wildly before he realised that the voice had come from outside the door. "Having a shower!" He called back, hoping his voice didn't convey what he was doing.

"I really need the toilet!"

Zack swallowed down a groan. "Almost done. Hang on." He was so hard now and wanted nothing more than to finish while he still had Will in front of his eyes.

"I can't wait, I'm coming in!"

"No, Codes!" Zack immediately protested but the door was already opening. A rush of cold air crept from behind the shower curtain and crashed against his skin. He stood unmoving for a few moments with his hand still wrapped around his erection. He couldn't breathe and his body felt tense. All he could hear was the water splashing around him but after a few seconds came the sound of the toilet flushing and the tap being turned on a moment later. Please leave, Zack thought desperately.

"What are you doing?" Came Cody's voice from somewhere in the small room.

Zack swallowed, his mind so obviously aware of where his hand was. "What do you usually do in a shower? I'm having one," he said, trying to sound casual.

"You're really quiet."

Zack groaned. "It couldn't possibly be because you're in here while I'm showering, could it?"

"I've seen you naked before," Cody said and sounded like he paired the words with a shrug.

Zack rolled his eyes even though he knew his brother couldn't see it. "Yeah, when we were little. It's a bit different now though, isn't it?"

"Why?"

"It just is," Zack argued, wondering why they were having a conversation about nudity at six in the morning while in the middle of an actual wank.

"We have the same stuff though," Cody said, sounding a bit amused. "We probably even look the same . . .down _there_"

Zack glanced to the side and thought he could make out the shadow of his brother through the white shower curtain. "Maybe," he said carefully. "Can you get out now please?"

Cody ignored him. "Isn't it weird how we never actually compared ourselves?"

Zack closed his eyes for a moment and breathed slowly. The talking should have put him off masturbation but for some reason he was even harder than before. Something about having Cody there in the room was making every nerve ending in his body scream for attention and just hearing his twin's voice turned him on immensely. He knew it was wrong and that he shouldn't, but it felt as if he was no longer in control of the situation. He tentatively started sliding his hand back and forth again and nearly let out a moan as he spoke. "No, I don't think so."

"Come on, aren't you even a little bit curious?"

Zack pressed his unoccupied hand against the wall to steady himself. He found it difficult to concentrate on anything but the feeling that was building inside him. Curious? Was that was Cody had asked? "What?"

"Aren't you curious to see if we look the same; down _there_?"

Zack slowly opened his eyes and turned them in the direction of his brother's voice. He was worried suddenly. Did Cody somehow know what he was doing behind the curtain? Amazingly though, the thought didn't make any difference to his hand as he felt himself getting closer to climax with every passing second. What the hell was Cody actually asking? To see him naked? A million thoughts and feeling rushed through his head in the span of a second. First there was Zack hoping that his thoughts were correct, but following hot on the tail of hope was shame and fear. There was no way he could let Cody see him like this because he knew his brother so well and was sure that Cody wouldn't like it. Zack was convinced that Cody touched himself too whenever Zack wasn't there but he doubted very much that his twin had seen anyone else naked before. Seeing Zack all hard and worked up would freak Cody out, Zack was sure of that. Afraid that his brother would approach him if he stayed quiet for too long, Zack quickly spoke; "I seriously need to shower, okay? I have work soon."

Cody's voice sounded slightly closer when he spoke. "Do you have a birthmark? Cause I do, right at the base."

Zack's eyes fell shut automatically and the image Zack's brain created of Cody's words presented itself immediately. Why the hell was his twin doing this to him?

"Do you have one?" Cody's voice was much closer now.

Painstakingly, Zack cracked an eye open and found the dark shadow of Cody much larger on the shower curtain. "Don't come in here," he warned.

"Why not? I'm your brother, your twin."

Why not? Because if you see how hard I am and that I'm actually touching myself when you're right next to me, it will Freak. You. Out. "No, Cody." He forced some authority into his voice now to hide the panic that was creeping in. He knew he should stop wanking and turn his back as Cody could just rip the curtain away at any second but Zack still didn't. He thought maybe a part of him would be curious to know how his brother would react upon seeing him, even though he was sure his previous guess would be right. In his fantasies though, Cody would fling himself at him and they'd tumble down in the pool of water at the bottom of the bath. But Zack knew that his fantasies were deluded.

"It's no big deal." Cody was so close now, right outside the curtain, and Zack was facing him. He saw as in slow motion how Cody's fingers grasped the curtain to pull it away.

"Cody, I said no!" Cody's fingers disappeared and his shadow quickly shrank back. Zack hadn't meant to shout and had no idea where the fiery hot anger in his voice had come from. He was never like that, not with anyone, and especially not the person he loved most. "Cody?" But he heard the door click and knew that he was alone.

Zack suddenly felt terrible for his outburst, but his cock, the traitor, was still hard and waiting to be taken care of. He did it rapidly and robotically and didn't at all enjoy the sensation when he came. His mind was on Cody, like always, but the guilt he felt now was of a different kind. He hurried to finish his shower and opened the door a few minutes later, dressed in boxers and a towel slung around his shoulders. His twin was rooting through the dresser. He was half-dressed already, but was missing socks and something to wear over his thin shirt.

"Cody?" Zack approached him carefully. Was he crying? The thought sent a stab through him. "Cody, I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Whatever Zack" Cody muttered, and Zack realised that his twin was most definitely not crying. If anything, he sounded angry.

"No, I really am sorry. You know that, right?" Zack took a step forward and laid a hand on his twin's shoulder but Cody shrugged it off and continued his search of something to wear.

"What's with you?"

Cody spun around so fast that Zack barely had time to react.

"What's with me? What's with you is more like it." He glared at Zack.

Zack frowned, surprised at the expression on his brother's face. He'd seen it before but never directed at him. "What are you talking about?"

"You've been really weird lately," Cody accused, "and it's time to spit out the reason why."

Zack just stared at his twin. He was having a strange moment where everything inside his head clashed and banged together and nothing making sense would come out. You've been really weird lately? Cody had noticed. "It's nothing, okay?" He said quickly. "Why are you so angry?"

"I'm angry because you're hiding something from me," Cody said through gritted teeth.

"I'm not hiding anything!" Zack exclaimed, genuinely scared now of where the argument was heading. He'd never seen Cody like this before.

"Don't you dare lie to me, Zackary." Even Cody's usually soft brown eyes looked dangerous.

"I don't know what you're on about," Zack said, trying to bring confidence into his voice and mask the way it was going to start shaking at any minute. "If this is about, you know, seeing me-"

"It's not about that! It's about you being weird and denying me things."

"Denying you things?" Zack's voice was flat now. "When have I ever denied you anything? I do everything I can for you. You just hate it when you don't get your way."

"No, I don't," Cody insisted but didn't meet Zack's eyes.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's. . ." Cody started, but looked annoyed as no words seemed to come to him.

Zack calmed down a little at the sight of his twin so worked up. In a way it was endearing. "Why are we even arguing about this? It's so stupid. I'll show you my dick if you want to see it." He started pulling at the waistband of his boxers but Cody slapped his hand away.

"I don't want to see it, okay?" He sounded frustrated. "Forget I even asked." He turned back round to rummage through the clothes again. Zack watched him quietly but Cody seemed determined not to say a word or spare him a single glance.

"Let's just forget this, okay?" Zack tried.

"Fine," came Cody's reply.

Zack bit his lower lip. It was obvious that Cody was still angry but Zack had no idea what to say that would change that at the moment so he just left his brother alone while he did his hair in the bathroom. Such a bad way to start a new day. He never fought with Cody and whenever they did argue it was about important things, not silly stuff like seeing each other's bodies. It was such a stupid and childish thing to fight about. Zack realised a few minutes later that he was taking out his frustration on his hair because his scalp started to hurt. He sighed to himself and rubbed his eyes. Confused. That's what he was.

When he came out of the bathroom a few minutes later Cody disappeared through the door. Zack glared at his twin's back as he door closed and he was left alone. "Damn it, Cody," he muttered and hastened to get dressed. Since his crush started, he had almost forgotten how frustrating his brother could be when a bad mood captured him. Cody, like Zack, was just so naturally happy that every time he wasn't could be incredibly unpleasant. No one really knew this, and it might have been because it very rarely happened, but Cody had the capability to stay crabby for days. Zack was afraid it was happening now and especially because his stupid dick had started it.

**xXx**

Will was waiting down by the candy counter with his muscular arms crossed over his chest. He looked tired but didn't seem to be in a bad mood. He actually looked a bit amused as Cody struggled to get past two rather large guests blocking his way.

"Are you going to stand there all day?" Cody growled.

The guests shot him a look and reluctently moved, allowing Cody to whisk by and throw himself down on one of the seats situated in the middle of the lobby.

Zack walked to the candy counter and silently began to arrange the sweets into some sort of assemblance. He couldn't help notice how Will's eyes lit up at the mere sight of him.

"Hey." Will smiled. "How did you sleep?"

"Pretty well." Zack shrugged. "You?"

Will grinned. "Great. Really great."

Zack nodded as he watched Will move around the side candy counter to stand next to him. Cody was sulking over the other side of room, taking up the entire seat with his legs.

Will's smile, still in place, widened but he didn't speak for a moment. Instead he glanced around and Zack followed his eyes to Cody's face. His brother's eyes were closed and his arms were folded.

"What's with him today?" Will jerked a thumb in Cody's direction.

"I don't know, he. . .woke up like this," Zack lied, because there was no way he was going to explain the truth to Will and especially not since it was so dumb.

Will gave a thoughtful nod and then turned back to Zack with the smile creeping back onto his lips. "I just wanted to say that I'm really glad last night happened." His voice was quiet so that no-one could hear but Zack.

Zack glanced back at Cody but his twin hadn't changed his position on the lobby chair. He looked asleep. "Me too," he responded, turning back to Will and forcing a smile to appear on his own face as well. It felt good to have someone looking at him in that way. It was usually Cody who did but that was obviously not something he was going to get today. He bit his lip shyly before asking, "I'll come 'round after our shift tonight, if that's okay?"

Will's wide smile said everything Zack needed to know.

He should have been happy about it, overjoyed that he had added another dimension to his life now but Cody's grip on Zack's mind refused to loosen. He watched his twin and tried to imagine what was going on behind those closed eyelids. He had a sick feeling in his chest that didn't want to go away. What if this was the beginning to something unpleasant? Stop panicking, Zack told himself as he served his first customer of the day. It's probably temporary.

He thought again about the words Cody had accused him with. You're denying me things. That was true, wasn't it? Zack had been keeping secrets lately but he only did it to keep his brother safe and calm.

_'Don't be angry with me, Cody. It's for the best that you don't know. Trust me.'_

Through the corner of Zack's eye, Cody's blank face showed no sign at all that he had received the message.


	7. Chapter 7

Zack worked through most of his shift by being nervous and watching his brother's every move for hints of what he was thinking but he could sense none of the anger from earlier, nor much of anything else for that matter. It bugged him that he couldn't read Cody's emotions. As his twin, Zack thought he should be able to.

But his worries were already forgotten by the time he'd nearly finished as Cody had gone back up to their suite leaving Zack to relax, lose himself in work and every now and then steal a glance of Will working beside him looking particualry hot in his uniform. All seemed well.

Until a few hours later.

He had just walked through the door, to find most of the suite's contents boxed up. His first instinct was that their mom had being fired and they were being kicked out the hotel but he soon found out that wasn't the case. Instead they were being upgraded to a bigger two-room suite due to their mother being given a promotion.

They spent the evening shifting their belonging's up two floors and into the their new home. Zack had to admit it was pretty impressive and looked foreword to sleeping in his new room until his mother decided to drop a bombshell.

"Seeing as this suite isn't really adapted to a family of three, you and Cody are going to have to share the double bed in there" She motioned towards the door behind Zack.

She began to talk once more but Zack wasn't listening as the word's _'Cody'_, _'share' _and _'double bed' _rang in his head, images flooding into his mind. Cody's sleeping form next to him for the next few weeks; his smell, the softness of his skin, his rythmic breathing, his lips. . . damn those lips. He was knocked out his thoughts as his mom handed him a box with his name on.

"Do you ever not zone out when I'm talking to you?" Carey rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"What?" Zack replied sarcastically, giving her a wink to which she responded with a small smile.

"Just go unpack"

Zack took and deep breath and entered his new room.

**xXx**

Cody, who had been happy and perfectly charming to their mother all evening, was once again sulky and only gave Zack single-word responses whenever he attempted to talk to him. Cody rummaged through one of the boxes that Zack had carelessly left on the floor and retrieved as many photo albums and items he could carry over to his bed.

Zack watched him and waited because surely his twin would say something soon. He'd never gone this long without talking to Zack. But Cody kept his head down and eyes focused on the photographs now in his lap as he sat cross-legged on the bed.

"Do you want us to look at them together?" Zack asked after another few moments of absolute silence. This was completely new to him. Cody usually never stopped talking.

"No," Cody said shortly. "There's more stuff in the box. You can sort through that."

Zack walked further into the room, but instead of following his brother's suggestion, he walked over to Cody and quite calmly plucked away the photo he was holding. "I don't want you to be angry with me anymore."

Cody tilted his head upward and glared at Zack without speaking.

"I can't have you mad at me," Zack continued in a subdued voice. "I need you not to be mad at me."

Cody's face softened slightly. "I'm not mad at you, Zack," he said and sighed. "I'm just confused about how things are now."

"What do you mean?"

Cody sucked on his bottom lip and looked away, appearing to be searching for words. "It kind of feels like you're slipping away from me," he admitted without meeting Zack's eyes.

Zack just stared down at his twin. "What? Where is this coming from?"

"Like this morning. When have you ever not wanted to do something I suggested?" He looked miserable suddenly. "I know you and me haven't always been on the same page, but lately it's like. . ."

"Cody." Zack grasped his brother's hands and pulled him into a hug. Cody didn't protest; he just followed Zack's movements willingly as their embrace tightened and stretched into several long moments. Zack surreptitiously inhaled his brother's scent where he rested his head on Cody's shoulder with his face pressed against the smooth neck. "We are on the same page. Always. That's never going to change."

Cody loosened his grip slightly so that he could look at Zack's face. "So why has it?"

"It hasn't," Zack insisted and tried to convince himself that the truth was in there somewhere.

Cody's eyes bore into Zack's, his expression quite unreadable. "I can tell when something has changed and I feel it now. Don't treat me like I'm stupid."

"I don't, it's just. . . I don't know what to say. There's nothing wrong." He had to do it, he had to lie. It was the only way to keep things like they were and not turn everything into a disaster from which there was no going back.

"I used to know everything about you," Cody said, his voice quite soft and calm but his expression was almost wistful. It was obvious that he didn't buy Zack's weak lies.

"You still do," Zack said but his eyes must have betrayed him because Cody started to pull away from their hug. He didn't look angry but the disappointment on his face was overwhelming. "No, don't," Zack said desperately.

Cody didn't meet his eyes as his hand broke contact with Zack's waist. "I'm all hugged out."

Zack watched his twin return to his position on the bed and pick up the phto once more. He had no idea what to say and even if he had come up with the most perfect speech in the world, the words still wouldn't have been able to press through the giant lump in his throat. A part of him just wanted to shout out the truth and have Cody know everything Zack had been keeping inside but the rational part of him refused to let it out. What if the truth was enough to lose Cody? Zack could never live through that.

He quickly blinked away the sudden moisture that had gathered in his eyes and turned around, heading towards the door. He needed to get out of there.

"Where are you going?"

Zack put on his jacket and used that as an excuse not to look at his twin. "To Will's. I need to talk to him about work." He waited for Cody to protest or call him on his bluff, or anything really, but his brother remained quiet. Zack opened the door and left him to it. His mother was too busy in her new room she didn't even notice Zack leave.

Instead of riding down the lift and walking through narrow hallway to Will's door, he only took a few steps to the side before he slid down to the floor. His eyes were staring straight ahead at the peach-coloured wall but he wasn't really seeing it. He just felt empty, and cold, and like some key element in his relationship with his twin had just withered and died.

He didn't know how long he sat there on the floor and stared at the wall, but after a while a shadow passed over his stretched out legs and was soon followed by someone kneeling down. Only when the person softly spoke Zack's name did he look up. It was Will.

"What are you doing out here?"

Zack stared blankly into the other man's face. "I don't know."

Will glanced at the closed door that read 2438 and looked worried. "Is Cody okay?"

"Yeah."

"Did you fight?" Will peered down at him with a frown on his face.

Zack shook his head but didn't say anything. He couldn't, or perhaps he just didn't want to. Whatever happened between himself and Cody wasn't anyone else's business after all, not even Will's.

"Can I help you inside or something?" Will asked after a few seconds.

Zack sighed. "My legs actually work, you know."

"So why are you sitting here like they don't?"

Zack turned his head upward and took in Will's face. He still looked a bit worried but there was another expression there as well that Zack couldn't explain. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to see if you'd settled in ok, so you gonna invite me in?"

He had no intention of inviting Will in but Zack pretended to ponder Will's question for a few moments as to not raise suspision and more questions. "Can I come over to yours instead? It was the plan after all." It wasn't exactly what Zack wanted but it was better than receiving icy silence and having to see Cody's disappointed face.

Will's smile was gentle. "Of course you can."

Zack smiled weakly, extending his hand and letting Will pull him to his feet. The motion pushed them much closer together than Zack had anticipated and he found his breath catching as he was suddenly staring right at Will's neck, before his eyes darted up to his lips. Zack smirked before leaning in to press his mouth against them.

Will pulled back in surprise and his eyes quickly scanned left to right in the quiet hallway. "Are you crazy? Someone might see."

"I don't care," Zack said truthfully. In fact, he almost wished Cody would open the door and find them there together. A part of him longed for Cody to be jealous. What happened then would be anyone's guess.

Will looked like he was battling several different emotions but he eventually seemed to settle on continuing what Zack had started, though he wasn't going to do it out in the corridor. He hooked his fingers around Zack's wrist and dragged him over to the lift and down to his room door and produced his key card. Once inside he flung himself at Will without thinking because if he let his mind explore his actual wishes, then he wouldn't be there with someone he didn't love and it was more clear to him now than ever that he didn't love Will in that way. But he still needed the physical attention from another human and he wasn't going to get that anywhere else. He felt guilty about it of course but that was easily forgotten when the sensations of Will's hands and lips on his skin created something like magic to him.

Their clothes were off and scattered across the floor in no time at all. If Zack had stopped the frantic kissing he would have felt embarrassed to be naked in front of someone else but he didn't spare his modesty a single thought as he was being pulled onto the bed.

He landed on top of Will and from there most everything was a blur of skin and heat and new sensations.

**xXx**

Will's body didn't feel comforting like Cody's always did, but Zack pretended not to notice.

They lay collapsed together in Will's bed, both naked and spent. Zack was resting his head on Will's shoulder but avoiding to look at his face. The emptiness from earlier had filled him again and he had no idea what to do with himself. He thought that he should have been happy and pleased and giddy with the way he had spent the night.. They had kissed for so long that Zack's lips were puffy and he felt like he had an invisible trail of Will's saliva across his entire body and in one place especially. He remembered how one of his hands had clutched at the sheets while the other held the back of Will's head as he worked Zack with his mouth. Zack had gasped and moaned during the embarrassingly short time he had lasted and then relaxed into the mattress while the blissful feeling faded. It had felt good right up until the point when it hadn't.

I am a terrible person, Zack thought as he lay there beside someone who loved him and whom he did not love back. "I'm sorry," he thought, but only belatedly realised that the words had actually come out of his mouth.

"For what?" Will, understandably, sounded confused.

"For. . ." Zack started and quickly searched through his brain for a reasonable explanation. "For it being so fast. I mean, me." He felt Will's body shiver slightly in a chuckle.

"I didn't expect anything else for your first time. Trust me, it's fine."

"I should have. . ." He made a face. "Reciprocated."

"We don't need to rush anything, Zack. We'll take this at a pace you feel comfortable with."

Zack felt a smile appear on his lips, but it wasn't a happy one. Will was such a good guy and he didn't deserve to have someone doing this to him. He deserved real love, not this, not whatever it was Zack was feeling or not feeling. He lifted his head from Will's warm skin and forced a yawn. "I should go. I'm really tired."

"You could sleep here," Will suggested with a half-smile. "The bed is big enough."

Zack smiled back but shook his head. "I can't. Cody will get worried."

Will's smile suddenly turned into a frown. "Have you. . .told him about this?"

"No." The mere thought sent a rush of unease through Zack.

"Oh, so that's why I'm not dead yet. I was wondering." Will sounded only half-joking.

"Come on. Even if he knew he wouldn't care," Zack said but didn't meet Will's eyes.

Will gave him a look that clearly let Zack know that he was crazy. "Cody would kick my ass if he knew what we're doing together. That's not even a guess, it's a fact."

Zack said nothing because he knew he couldn't argue with that.

"Your brother can be a bit scary sometimes," Will continued.

Zack frowned slightly. "Cody's harmless."

"He is," Will agreed but fixed Zack with a serious stare. "But not when it comes to you. He's possessive over you. It's like you belong to him, and him only."

"We're twins," Zack explained, a little defensively. "He has a right to be."

"Maybe." Will looked thoughtful. "You're not the same person though. He doesn't own you."

"I know that," Zack said.

"But you listen to him a lot, don't you? You do what he tells you." It was a statement, not a question.

Zack felt slightly annoyed now. "I'm not a dog, Will." He lifted the hand that had laid on Will's chest and placed it at his side instead.

"That's not what I meant," Will said simply. "But you have to admit that you depend on him a bit more than you should."

Zack narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you won't have have him around all the time soon. You need to be your own person, away from him."

"No," Zack said, the word coming out in a breath. "No, I don't want to be."

"Zack-"

"You don't know what it's like to be part of someone else," Zack interrupted, getting up and out of the bed. He found his clothes on the floor and his temper kept rising as he struggled to fit the right limbs into the correct items. "You think it's just about you and your feelings and your needs but it's not. It's about his too. And you love him so much that you will do everything you can to make him happy because that's what he does for you!"

"Zack," Will sighed and it was obvious that he was irritated as well. "Both of you are going to meet someone eventually, heck, Cody already has, and this thing you have is going to have to be broken up. You need to cut the cord sooner or later."

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" Zack said angrily as he furiously searched for his left sock but it was nowhere to be found. Fuck it. He made to leave.

"Zack, you deserve to have a life of your own."

Zack spun around. "Don't try to tell me what I do or don't deserve! I've only know you for a minute compared to him." He turned around again and opened the door, but not without leaving the comment that had circled in his mind all night. "This was a mistake."

It took him twenty seconds to get back to his room and only one more to realise that Cody was sleeping. Zack had hoped he would be awake because he wanted to apologize again and again until Cody forgave him. No matter what it took he needed to have Cody back. He shook off his jacket without caring where it landed as he the bed. "Cody?" He whispered but his twin did not wake up. Zack carefully crept into bed next to his brother, trying not to disturb the bedding so much that it woke him up, but he failed.

Cody stirred and opened his eyes, looking sleepy and confused. "Zack?"

"Yeah, it's me," Zack said, smiling at the look on his twin's face. "Who did you think it was?"

Cody smiled lazily through closed eyed. "Some hot chick."

"Sorry to disappoint." He scooted closer to Cody and felt the warmth coming off his brother's body.

"Not disappointed." Cody smiled and opened his eyes a little. His expression sharpened immediately. "What's wrong?"

Zack thought about shrugging it off and saying 'nothing', but he had done that all day and he doubted that Cody would believe him any more this time. He went with a bit of the truth instead. "Had a fight with Will."

"About what?"

Zack sighed as he slid his hand over Cody's waist and to his back. He'd done the same motion with Will but it was still much different now. "Can we talk about it tomorrow? I just want to sleep now."

Cody stared at him, looking slightly confused, but nodded nevertheless. "Do you want a hug?"

Zack smiled as he felt Cody's arms around him and their legs entertwined. Zack was wearing almost a full set of clothes but the situation still seemed significantly more intimate than the one he had experienced completely naked with Will. He felt so happy here, like this, with his twin right next to him. Their foreheads were touching together and Zack's eyes locked with Cody's. Something in Zack's stomach fluttered as he realised that their lips were only inches apart. He searched Cody's eyes for something, permission maybe, but he couldn't read them too well in the dark. No matter, he couldn't stop himself anyway.

Zack tilted his face forward and didn't hesitate once before his mouth touched Cody's in a soft kiss. Will's lips had been hot and moist, but Cody's were soft and dry. The kiss wasn't much more than a peck but it might as well have been full blown sex because of the way Zack's entire world shifted. He forced himself to move back to see how the kiss had been received and found himself staring at the same smile as before on Cody's face.

Zack could tell right away that his brother hadn't grasped the meaning behind it. Cody thought it was a natural extension of their hug, just a more intimate way of showing brotherly affection. Zack didn't know whether to cry or feel relieved. He was so terrified of being rejected but even more so of Cody, never knowing his feelings at all.

Zack broke eye contact and placed his head so that their foreheads touched again.

_You're never going to love me back, are you?_


	8. Chapter 8

The three of them were squashed a taxi; Zack, Cody, Will coming home from a meal to celebrate Carey's promotion. Zack couldn't even move for fear or disrupting the dead silence in which he sat with Cody and Will on either side of him. No one had spoken since they had climbed into the back seat ten minutes ago and even before that Will hadn't said a single word to him. He had just looked grumpy. It had been a very bad afternoon all in all.

Cody had barely spared Will a single glance back at the restraunt and was ignoring him in every way he could now too. Zack recognized this as solidarity but still felt bad. Maybe he had overreacted to Will's observations last night and shouldn't have stormed out the way he did, but something inside him always snapped whenever someone said anything bad about his brother. He could take critique about himself without a problem but would always go out of his way to protect Cody any way he could.

He probably should have stayed with Will, at least given his friend time to explain what he had meant and maybe then there wouldn't have been any tension and bad moods this morning. But then, Zack wondered, would I have dared to give Cody that kiss? If I had heard what Will had to say, would I have ended up sleeping so close to him? And what would have happened if I had?

Zack turned his head a fraction to his left and watched Will surreptitiously. He looked dour with his lips creating a perfectly straight line. Just like Cody hadn't spoken to him, Will hadn't even reacted to Zack's presence sonce they met down in the hotel lobby a few hours ago. It was like Zack had been invisible. He knew he only had himself to blame but it still hurt when Will wouldn't even look at him.

He was glad he had Cody, and especially now that the anger was wiped away from his brother's demeanour. He had been exactly like usual throughout the day, maybe even a bit more touchy-feely and Zack didn't complain when he received a spontaneous hug right before they left. Cody was sitting to his right with his jacket on his lap, hiding the fact that Zack's hand rested gently in his. Zack's used his fingertips to run invisible traces all of Cody's palm and his twin's mouth curved every now and then. Zack supposed it tickled. They didn't actually speak and he was glad that no one was breaking the silence. He didn't know what would set Will off. He didn't know if Will was angry. And he didn't know what Will would say if he was. Zack really didn't want Cody to find out what had happened between them. No good could come of that.

**xXx**

Hours later, Zack and Cody were backstage in their mothers dressing room. The evening's opening show was starting in little over twenty minutes and Cody was busy in the bathroom, tidying himself up. Zack was sitting in a swivel chair, his leg was tapping a steady rhythm against the floor. He had no idea where Will had gone. They'd barely even seen him today through the chaos of the dinner and their mom's big performance.

Zack had been freaking out all day. Not that anyone could tell, but behind his carefree facade he was nearly falling apart. He was scared of what was happening now, of what Will might do when he saw Zack next. Zack had to admit that he didn't know his friend so well as to predict his actions. What if he just snapped and blurted out the entire story so that Cody heard it? That was Zack's biggest fear at the moment; that his twin somehow found out. It scared him that he couldn't tell how Cody would react either.

"Stop it with your foot; it's really annoying!" Came Cody's voice from the bathroom.

"Sorry," Zack mumbled and made his leg relax into stillness. He only wished his mind would too. "Look, I'm just going to go find Will, okay?"

"Why?"

"I've barely spoken to him today. I should probably talk to him."

Cody was suddenly in the doorway. "You never told me what the fight was about."

Zack was wary as he replied. "It was just something stupid that spiraled out of control. He said some stupid things and I did some stupid things and it was all very stupid." It was a pathetic answer of course but he felt that Cody maybe had gotten confused by all the 'stupid's. He didn't really look like he was listening to Zack and seemed more concentrated on his hair. Zack took this opportunity to smile widely in an attempt to make everything seem like it was better than it really was. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, don't want to miss the performance of a lifetime" Cody chuckled and disappeared into the bathroom once more.

Zack nodded to the empty doorway and left. A corridor of doors greeted him, each only available to staff that worked here and since Will was working tonight he had to be in one of them. He tried a few but was met with disappointment until he came to the small office type room at the end. The door stood open but Zack knocked anyway. Will looked up from where he sat with a pen in his hand and the guest list on the desk. "Hey," Will said and quickly checked his watch. "Fifteen more minutes before showtime."

"I know. I didn't come here for the time."

"Really?" Will asked dryly. "What else would you need me for?"

Zack frowned. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Will just looked at him tiredly. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Honestly, Zack, I have no idea what to say," Will sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

Realising he was still stood in the doorway, Zack took a few steps inside and closed the door. The room was very sparse; it only contained a desk, a chair and an almost empty bookcase. As the chair was already occupied, Zack leaned against one of the white walls. "You don't have to say anything. I was the one who messed up, I'm the one who needs to apologize."

"No." Will looked even more dejected than before. "I should have known better. I shouldn't have been so stupid."

"You weren't stupid, Will."

Will snorted. "No? Being used by someone four years my junior wasn't stupid?"

Used. Zack's cheeks burned with shame at the word. "I'm sorry," he said again, pathetically, as he could think of nothing else to make the situation better. He wished he could somehow defend himself and his actions but either way he looked at it was bad. He slid down to the floor. "I'm sorry, Will, for everything. I'm just a big mess right now."

"You're a bit young to use that excuse."

"What?"

"It's not you, it's me," Will quoted.

Zack felt uncomfortable. "Well, it's true."

"You like someone else, I can tell. You weren't all there when we. . ." Will shook his head. "I knew all along that you were thinking about someone and it wasn't me."

Zack frowned. "Then why didn't you say something?"

Will didn't meet Zack's eyes. "I've wanted you since the day we met and I just couldn't stop when I finally had you. And then I realised that you didn't even want to be there and I said all those things about Cody. I was angry that you wanted him and not me. It was stupid and immature."

Zack's head whipped around to stare at Will. "What? What are you talking about?"

Will's eyes stared at the ceiling. It seemed like he couldn't bear to look at Zack. "I know it's Cody."

Zack felt a rush of fear. How? How was it even possible that Will could know when even his brother didn't? "Will, it's not-" He started, but his friend cut him off.

"Don't, okay? I know it's Cody so do me the courtesy of not lying about it. I'm not going to preach to you about morals. You're old enough to make your own decisions and deal with the consequences."

Zack voice was shaking when he spoke. "Are you completely disgusted?" He was scared of the answer and didn't really know why he asked but he couldn't take it back now.

Will looked thoughtful. "If it had been other people, two other siblings, then yes I probably would have been, but. . .when it's you two, it's like. . . I don't know, I think I almost expected it."

Zack didn't know whether to feel bad or relieved. Will looked so sad, so hopeless, and Zack had no idea what to say. He knew that he'd do anything to make his friend feel better but had no idea how to do it. "Cody doesn't though," he said when nothing else came to him. He thought maybe it would make Will feel better if he knew that Zack was suffering as well.

"What?"

"Cody doesn't feel like I do. He doesn't even know that I . . ." What? Like him? Want him? Zack didn't know what to say so he fell quiet.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Will said after a while. He looked uncomfortable and still wasn't looking at Zack. "He loves you and, well, nothing can change that."

"I know, but-" Zack started but Will cut him off.

"-I can't talk about this Zack, I'm sorry." He stood up abruptly and grabbed the sheets of paper from the desk. He was almost at the door when he stopped and turned around, looking Zack in the eye for the first time. "What if someone found out about you two?"

Zack was horrified. "You wouldn't!"

"No, I wouldn't." Will's brow furrowed and he looked annoyed. "But what if someone found out? What would you do then?"

Zack took a moment to consider the question, but there was really only one answer. "I'd deny it."

Will nodded shortly. "Good. Lie through your teeth." He hesitated. "It would ruin everything if it came out."

"I know."

Will looked at him then, really looked at him, like he had done the night before but it was a different look this time. "I suppose some things really are inevitable."

"Will-"

"I'll be okay, Zack. I'm a big boy." He smiled but something in it was unconvincing.

Zack felt morose as Will left.

It was the worst he had ever felt and now he had to spend two hours watching his mother sing songs from her era, a time that didn't exist to Zack so he just switched off. He felt like Cody could tell as he kept looking at him throughout the whole thing, making Zack make a concious effort to at least keep his eyes directed at the stage to at make it look as though he was listening.

He was thankful when the night was over and he and Cody got back to their room. He felt so exhausted from the events of the day and wished for nothing more than to fall into oblivious sleep for a few hours. He needed rest and he needed to get away from reality for a bit. It had been much too stressful lately. He brushed his teeth in their new ensuite bathroom before switching off the light and clambering into bed. He watched his twin fiddle with his phone. Bailey, no doubt. "What are you writing?"

The corner of Cody's mouth lifted but he didn't look away from the small screen. "That mom's show is well worth checking out."

Zack smiled and tucked his arm under the pillow. His eyes were locked on Cody's profile, which in the dim light from the lamp on the table looked luminous. He wanted to just reach out his hand and touch it, just to know what that flawless skin would feel like under his touch. He had to blink to get out of it. "I'm going to sleep now."

"Yeah, me too." Cody yawned but he continued to type for another minute without explanation before he finally got off the bed. "I'll just brush my teeth." He carelessly threw the phone away and it landed just a few inches away from Zack.

Curiously, Zack thumbed his way through the icons and found the one for messages. To his surprise there was no messages to Bailey nor any recieved from her either. Instead he found a draft message adressed to Zack himself which he opened and read the words out in a quiet voice to himself. "You're the best person in the world."

Zack fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**xXx**

Zack wasn't sure what had woken him up. He lay still for a few moments and tried to make out the room in the darkness but there didn't seem to be anything strange about it. No scary movie monsters or serial killers in masks, but something had woken him up. It only took a moment before he heard a noise, one that was soft and breathy and came from Cody's side.

It took Zack no time at all to process it. The sound was only too familiar. He slowly moved his head and directed his eyes to the side where he found Cody's outline. He kept his eyes wide open in an attempt for them to quickly adapt to the dark so that he could see everything clearer. But until his sight sharpened, his ears provided him with all the information he needed. The shallow breaths Cody alternated with tiny moans made Zack's heart beat all that much faster. The profile of his twin's face, his lips parting slightly, his eyes screwed tightly shut in concentration. Zack's eyes travelled down his body, and although the duvet was covering him up, the way it moved in that particular way couldn't hide what his brother was doing.

Zack could not stop staring and he realised too late that his lungs had been holding in air that he had not let out and it came out in a rush when he finally couldn't hold it in anymore.

Cody's head quickly whipped to stare at Zack. "Zack? Are you awake?"

"Yeah," Zack admitted. "I think you woke me up."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Cody sounded embarrassed.

Zack licked his lips. "What are you doing?" He couldn't help himself.

Cody was quiet for a few moments but when he spoke he sounded half-amused, half-exasperated. "You know I'm doing."

Zack grinned in the dark in case Cody looked his way, but his insides were on fire. Cody was lying just a little ways away and touching himself. He was hard right now. Zack eyed the duvet and wished it could just spontaneously disappear. He felt a strange and sudden need to just rip it off his brother's body.

"I should, uh-," Cody started after a moment of silence and made a movement to get out of bed, "-take care of this in the bathroom."

Zack's arm shot out and caught Cody's wrist. "Can I see?"

Cody looked surprised. "See what?"

"You. Before, you asked to see me; now I want to see you."

Cody stared at him for a few moments before a crooked smile came on his lips. His eyebrow arched. "I think you're forgetting that you yelled at me and pretty much kicked me out of the room for asking."

Zack didn't reply and didn't smile back. Instead he kicked down his duvet so that it tangled around his feet. He was only wearing a pair or boxers and saw his twin's eyes shoot to them immediately before darting back to his face. Zack didn't drop his brother's gaze as he slowly slid his hand down his chest until they met with the black waistband. He dipped his fingers an inch beneath before he stopped. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Zack had no idea where his brazenness came from but he liked it.

Cody's eyes showed a bit of uncertainty but something else as well. Challenge. He relaxed back into the mattress and excruciatingly slowly pushed down the white duvet that was covering him up. Zack had no idea where his brother had learned to do it so seductively and with that glint in his eyes but he couldn't make his mind care very much about it at the moment. The duvet slid past Cody's stomach and Zack eagerly watched and waited to see fabric of his pants, but instead his breath hitched in his throat when he saw that Cody wasn't wearing anything.

Zack's lips parted to slowly release a breath as he took in Cody's body from head to toe. He was so hot, so gorgeous, so completely beautiful. And rock hard.

Cody kicked the duvet away completely and slid his hand to his erection, pushing it up with his thumb. His eyes caught Zack's. "Your turn."

Zack couldn't take his eyes off his brother as he pushed down his underwear. He was hard too, had been all along but not realised until now. He must have heard Cody even through sleep and his body had reacted accordingly. He grasped himself in the same way as Cody and was pleased to see that his twin's eyes were no longer on his face.

"I don't see a birthmark," Zack stated. His eyes followed Cody's hand moving lazily up and down.

"Maybe you're too far away."

Zack glanced at Cody and found his twin's eyes on him again. Was that in invite? Zack smirked slightly and swiftly scooted over so that he was next to his brother. Cody probably didn't mean for him to come that close but Zack still didn't hear any complains. He felt Cody's arm move against his own that he wasn't using and he had to bite his lip from trying to stop himself from reaching over to help his brother out. And from this distance he could see that his twin hadn't lied about the birthmark. "I can see it now," he said. His breathing was a bit strained. "It matches that one." He pointed to the round spot over Cody's right nipple.

Cody glanced at him. Their faces were close again and if they kissed now then there would be no denying that it would mean more than just brotherly affection. But Cody didn't make a move and Zack didn't either. They just stared at each other as they worked themselves and as strange as it should have been, Zack didn't find it odd at all. It was just hot. And he was vaguely wondering if this was just one of his wet dreams, but no, it felt too real and too good to be something his imagination had created.

"Who are you thinking about?" Cody breathed suddenly and the rush of his breath caressed Zack's neck like silk.

Zack couldn't think too clearly. All that was screaming in his mind was 'you' but he forced himself not to say it. "No one special. What about you?"

Cody licked his lips and smiled. "Not telling."

Zack's intial thought was Bailey but something about the glint in his twins eye made him unsure."Tell me."

But Cody gave his head a little shake before his eyes fell shut. Zack couldn't take his eyes off of his twin. He noted that Cody stroked himself in almost the exact same way as him, with the same movements and the same pressure. "Tell me." His voice was unintentionally low and husky and he saw Cody's eyes open slightly.

"Not if you don't tell me." Cody's equally low tone sent shivers right through Zack.

He stared at his brother, taking in every little tiny reaction on Cody's face as he stroked himself and Zack knew that there would never come a better moment. So much was different from the day before even though he moved in the same way. He wet his lips before leaning in quickly and capturing his twin's lips between his own. He felt Cody froze and Zack's thumping heart seemed to slow, almost to a stop. Yet he still didn't pull away. He'd dreamt of this moment for god knows how long and he was going to take advantage of it for as long as his twin let him. A second passed, and another. And then Cody's lips started moving against Zack's, hesitant at first but soon becoming more determined. Zack didn't waste another moment to kiss his brother back and his mouth responded urgently to Cody's.

He hooked the fingers of his free hand around Cody's neck, holding him as close as he could and not letting him go. This was what he had been waiting for and he wasn't disappointed. It felt exactly like he had imagined; better even, because this wasn't Zack's imagination. It was actually happening. Cody moaned through the kisses and Zack thought he must have done too because the sensations of their hot lips and hands stroking themselves were incredibly powerful. Zack knew he wouldn't last long, not with his sexual fantasy right there with him, and he tried to slow down the rushing sensation inside him but he couldn't. He gasped against Cody's mouth. "I'm gonna. . ."

"Me too," Cody breathed and their lips separated so that an inch of air came between them. Their eyes didn't move off one another though, and Zack would never forget Cody's intent stare as they worked themselves and breathed against each other. His body tensed only a few moments after Cody's and he let go of all thoughts as he came all over his chest. There were flashes in front of his eyes and he wanted to close them and enjoy the feeling but he forced them to remain wide open and watch Cody instead. His twin was breathing heavily and his lower body was contracting with every spasm that shot through him before they slowly ebbed out. Cody sank into the mattress, expelling a deep breath of air.

I want you like this all the time, Zack thought as he lay there panting and feeling clammy from sweat and other fluids.

"Oh my god," Cody moaned through closed eyelids. Zack was afraid of the freak out he was sure was coming but Cody remained calm where he lay. "Do you have a tissue or something?"

"Umm." With great effort, Zack moved from his position and leaned down to the floor where the first item he found was his white undershirt. He tossed it to Cody, who wiped himself off with it before handing it back with a grin. "Sorry, it's a bit. . .sticky."

Zack flashed a matching smile that was more relived than anything else and used the shirt to wipe his own chest as well. He threw it away and heard the soft material land somewhere across the room. "I'm really tired now."

"Yeah," Cody sighed.

Zack was unsure if it was okay or not, but he lay down, close, next to Cody again. His twin did not protest.


	9. Chapter 9

Zack knew that it was early even before he stirred awake. He couldn't have slept for very many hours, not going by how hard it was to get his brown eyes to open to the light of a new day. His body felt heavy and stiff and he stretched and yawned as he blinked himself into focus. And then his lagging memories came back to him.

He was suddenly more awake than he had ever been as his head quickly whipped to his side, searching for Cody's body in the soft mess of white sheets, but the mattress was empty and cold to the touch. Zack panicked for three entire seconds before he heard sounds coming from the bathroom and saw a shadow moving around. "Cody?" He called.

Cody appeared in the doorway, a toothbrush between his lips and a questioning expression on his face. "Yeah?"

Zack let out a sigh of relief. He didn't know what he had thought, because every bad thing he could think of had been spinning around his mind during those few seconds when he didn't know where his twin was. "Nothing. I just wondered where you were."

"I'm right here."

Zack watched him for a second and other thoughts entered his mind. It had been a dream right? It must have been. There was no way they had kissed and got off together last night. No way had Cody kissed him back. But Zack knew it had happened and so did Cody because he looked unsure all of a sudden where he stood. Zack was reminded of when they were little and Cody had done something wrong. There was that same look on his face now. When they were younger, Zack always comforted him and took the blame if he could get away with it, but there was no blame this time and Zack just smiled, hoping that it would ease Cody's uncertainty.

"You're dribbling all over yourself."

"What?" Cody looked as he had just been jerked away from some distant thought. He glanced down and found toothpaste dropping off his chin onto his chest as well as the floor. "Aw, damn."

Zack smiled slightly as Cody disappeared back into the bathroom. He leaned over and checked the time on the phone and found that it was only a little past 6 a.m. He didn't need to be up for another thirty minutes. He lay back down and shut his eyes and immediately the scene from last night started playing. Zack watched without trying to interrupt it. He remembered the exact sensation of placing his lips against Cody's warm mouth and every little flutter of his heart as he had finally got to do the thing he had longed for. He felt the bed shift a little and he cracked one eye open, settling them both on Cody a moment later.

"Why are you up so early?"

Cody shrugged. "I don't know, I just woke up. I've had weird dreams all night."

"Good or bad weird?"

"I don't know. Bad, I think."

"Really?" Zack's dreams had been wonderful. He didn't remember a thing about them but the feeling he had woken up with was pleasant. "Are you okay?"

Cody glanced at him and his face softened into a smile. "I'm fine." He sighed contentedly and closed his eyes.

Zack couldn't take his eyes off of him. It sounded silly but it felt like a dream that he had finally achieved. Cody blushed when he found Zack's intent stare and Zack laughed. "Why are you so quiet now? You were a lot more daring last night."

This made his twin blush even harder and Cody covered his face with his arm. "Sorry, I can get a bit. . .intense, when I'm horny."

"Yeah, I noticed." Zack grinned and leaned over to remove Cody's arm. Instead of letting go though, he slid his fingers down it until he could grasp the soft hand. "So how often do you get horny?"

"That's a weird question."

"Okay," Zack said. "How often do you wank then?" He didn't need to look at Cody to know that his twin was still blushing. Zack found this funny when compared to how he had acted just a few hours before.

"I don't know." Cody sounded uncomfortable. "It's different."

"Every day?" Zack asked.

"Maybe like, every other."

"Where do you usually do it?"

"In bed. Have you never heard me before?"

"No." And that was a shame. Just the thought of his brother getting off in the same room all this time made his body feel weak.

"I've never heard you either," Cody said and his thumb was rubbing circles against Zack's hand.

Zack glanced at his twin. "That was a new experience for both of us last night then." He knew that some sort of conversation obviously had to take place but he didn't want to rush it. He needed to figure out what to say first, so that Cody would wholly understand what this meant. He knew that his vocabulary sometimes failed him and he really needed to use the right words this time because it was a too delicate thing not to treat carefully. "Can I kiss you?" He asked when they had stared at each other in silence for a while.

Cody smiled softly and blinked slowly. Zack took this as permission and leaned in, touching his mouth to Cody's in a soft kiss. His mouth tasted like mint toothpaste and Zack was suddenly reminded that he had just woken up. "Do I have bad breath?" He asked but Cody just shook his head and smiled again.

Zack let his hand slowly slide up Cody's chest but stopped at the right nipple to scrape his nail across it. Cody inhaled sharply and Zack smirked. "You like that, huh?"

Cody flashed an embarrassed grin. "Stop being such a tease."

Zack cracked a smile but it faded quickly and he pushed himself up on one elbow while his other hand kept sliding over Cody's chest. The skin was so smooth and white and perfect and Zack wanted to kiss every inch of it. He leaned forward and placed a hesitant kiss against the skin, waiting for Cody to stop him but his twin didn't move at all. Encouraged by this, Zack let his lips create a trail of kisses across his chest, leading up to the crook of his neck. Cody let out a soft breath when Zack's mouth caressed the delicate skin and Zack smiled. He lifted his head and looked down into his brother's eyes. Their noses were practically touching._ Fuck, you're gorgeous_. He went to touch his lips to Cody's once more and this time he stretched the kiss into lasting several moments while his hand still kept sliding over Cody's upper body. He wanted to let it travel further down but he stopped himself.

Zack was starting to get hard again but he ignored that too. This time it wasn't about that, and first and foremost, it was showing Cody that it wasn't about that. His hand was cupping his twin's face while he gently kissed the soft lips. Cody's fingers slid around Zack's wrist and he wasn't sure if his brother was trying to push him away or not. Cody didn't seem to know either. He just looked unsure when Zack pulled back a little. Zack decided to cool it. If taking it slow was what it took then he would gladly oblige. He lay his head back down on the pillow and smiled at Cody. After a moment, Cody's face softened into a similar one.

"Just a few more days left," Zack said. Maybe it would be good idea to change the subject.

"I know," Cody said softly. "I can't believe I'll be leaving soon!"

"Yeah." Zack glanced at his twin and Cody glanced back. Zack knew that they were thinking the same thing. A few more days with just them and no obligations would probably mean a whole lot of time in bed. "We could go look at a flat, near Yale" Zack suggested, deciding not to mention his thoughts.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you're up for it."

Cody looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess. I haven't really thought about it."

The alarm on the phone beeped then and alerted to the time. Zack turned it off but didn't make a move to get up. He just smiled and leaned in to kiss Cody instead.

**xXx**

Zack was working as a Waiter for the evening at his mother's show. Every now and then he'd catch his reflection in a mirror and couldn't help but notice how the smile hadn't left his face all day. It wasn't a huge grin, just a small tweak of the corners of his lips. He knew the inspiration behind it. Zack had never felt so happy.

He had also never felt so horny.

He had been hard all day and kept being forced to come up with new ways to hide it through the skin tight trousers he was wearing and he was currently hiding in a small closet, primarily used for prop's, since he felt himself getting harder.

He didn't know if it was because of their recent experience together, but he found Cody more attractive than ever before and had to work really hard just to look away. It was a dangerous situation now that they weren't alone and Zack didn't quite trust himself. But the bulge in his pants didn't allow him to think straight. He poked his head out of the small closet and looked around the mess of people until he caught sight of Cody who was sitting by window, staring out at the city with an unreadable expression on his face. "Cody," he called.

Cody's head whipped around. "Yeah?"

"Come over here." Zack noted the slight pulling together of his twin's dark eyebrows. He obviously noted that Zack's hair was perfect. Still though, he hopped up from the chairwithout comment and made his way to Zack. Zack saw Will throw them a long look but he shut the door so that it would get cut off.

"What's wrong ?" Cody asked, his eyes examining Zack's face.

But Zack didn't want to talk. He grabbed Cody's upper arms and pushed him firmly against the wall before smirking and leaning in to kiss the lips that had been looking so tempting all day.

"What are you doing? There are people out there." Cody's protest was so weak that Zack didn't even bother with it. He turned the lock so no one was going to come in here and interrupt them. He kissed along his twin's jaw down to his neck. Cody smelled amazing and that helped turn Zack on more. He extended his tongue and licked a trail right up his twin's ear, feeling slightly amused when he felt Cody shiver. Zack continued to kiss his neck while his hands slid down Cody's chest and came to a temporary halt on his hips. He pulled back and Cody's eyes, which had fallen closed a few seconds ago opened to stare into Zack's. It was an intense kind of gaze, one that said so many things but in his dazed state, Zack could only make sense of the most prominent one. Want. Lust. Whatever you call it. It was right there in Cody's deep brown eyes.

Zack knew he didn't have to be so careful now. He moved in closer, pushed his entire body up against his twin's so that Cody could feel every part of him; every inch that wanted this. Cody let out a little moan and Zack knew that he could feel their erections pressing together. Zack pressed his lips to Cody's mouth again as he worked to unbutton his twin's black jeans. Cody was moving slightly against him, tiny thrusts that sent small shivers of pleasure through them both. Having finally gotten the jeans opened, Zack shoved his hands down his twin's underwear and grasped his erection. It was hot and hard in his hand and just as familiar as his own. Apart from the birthmark, he doubted there was one single dissimilarity.

Cody licked Zack's lips in a bid to get them to open and Zack obliged more than happily. He felt Cody shove his hand inside his underwear and Zack let out an involuntary moan as he felt his brother's hand on him. It was a good thing that they were kissing or else the noises they made would have reached out to the people outside the door.

They worked each other fast, both knowing that this was no time for slow, teasing climaxes. Zack grunted against Cody's mouth as he felt his orgasm approach in his twin's grip.

"Watch the clothes," Cody warned right before his face contorted and Zack felt sticky warmth spreading in his palm. It was more than enough to send him over the edge too. He thrust into his brother's hand a few times until he was empty and exhausted. He started to fall against Cody but then came a sharp knock on the door.

"Guys? Your mom's about to come on stage."

Will.

"Yeah! Just a second!" Zack called back and they both scrambled to zip up their trousers and wash off. Zack shot an embarrassed grin at his brother who was checking himself out in the mirror. Cody smiled back, but Zack thought it seemed strained.

He didn't comment on it, but it bugged him all day.

**xXx**

He had watched Cody all night, just observed the way he moved and acted. He didn't know why he found his twin's behaviour so captivating now; he had seen it all his life after all, but everything had changed for him so quickly. It was different when it had been one-sided, when Zack had dejectedly thought that he'd never have Cody in the way he wanted him. Zack had watched his brother all evening and felt smug about the fact that he was the one Cody curled up with at night.

He had planned to sneak backstage with Cody after the show had finished, but was unfortunately sidetracked by a few of the customers who took turns to thank him on his service and pass their compliments to the chef. Zack politely nodded and out of the corner of his eye saw Cody disappear. Ah well. They would be going back to the suite later; he would have another chance then.

Zack couldn't think about anything else.

**xXx**

Almost two hours later the sky was a dark grey with rain still sprinkling down. Zack pushed through the Crowd that had gathered in the lobby and made his way towards the lift. Cody was walking quietly behind him and Will even more silent behind him.

It was a quiet lift ride up to the twenty seventh floor. Zack had trouble concentrating on anything but the way Cody was gently biting on his lower lip while he watched the numbers that indicated the floors shift with every passing second.

"Guys," Will said suddenly, breaking the pause. "I'd like to talk to you for a second."

"Why?" Zack immediately knew that something was wrong when his focus shifted to his friend. Will had a slight frown on his face and was looking unsure where he stood with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"Let's go to your room, okay?" He seemed a bit nervous but he lead Zack and Cody down the hallway to their room and waited as Zack let them in. Will led them over to the two armchairs by the glass table in the room. He motioned for them to sit down while he leaned against the window sill. The rain pouring down behind him only added to his downcast expression.

Zack stared at Will expectantly but with a bad feeling in his stomach. Strangely, Cody was completely silent where he sat in the chair opposite. His eyes were glued to Will and waited patiently for him to speak.

Will folded his arms across his chest, then unfolded them and shoved his hands back into his jeans pockets instead. "You're mom's show was good tonight," he said finally when the silence had dragged across several moments. "Good ending."

"Will," Zack started. "What's wrong?"

Will didn't look at him or gave any indication that he had heard him. "It's been a good month, meeting you two, living in a hotel."

"What-" Zack began again but was interrupted.

"I just wanted to say thank you for this time; thank you for letting me get to know you. It's been a good , but. . . I won't be here anymore. Today was my last day."

Silence.

Will looked uncomfortable again. "Just wanted you to know."

"What the heck?" Zack exclaimed, standing up. "You can't leave!" He felt dazed, like someone had just slapped him across the face. Will was leaving?

"It's time, Zack." The smile on Will's face was sad and made Zack want to hug him but he restrained himself. "I've already signed the papers and talked to Moseby-"

"You talked to Moseby before us?"

Will looked tired. "He's my boss, Zack."

"Look," Zack said desperately. "I'm sure Moseby would understand if you changed your mind." But Will was shaking his head before Zack had even finished the sentence.

"I'm not going to change my mind, Zack."

"Where is this coming from?" Cody asked.

Will's eyes shot to Zack's but they darted away almost at once. He shrugged. "It's just time."

"So we're not good enough for you, is that what you're saying?"

"No, Cody." Will sighed. "That's not what I said and it's not what I meant."

"Then why?"

Cody was obviously not going to accept just any explanation. Zack glanced worriedly at Will but his friend seemed determined not to meet his eyes. He kept them on Cody instead. "I want to do something else; something that will allow me to go places, travel, I know this is your ideal lifestyle but it isn't mine."

Zack didn't know whether or not this was the real reason but he saw the doubt in Cody's eyes slowly turn into acceptance. "Well," he said finally and the hard edge to his tone was gone. "That sucks, Will. I'm going to miss you."

Will looked slightly surprised, but pleasantly so. "I'll miss you too; I'll miss both of you. It's been good."

There were hugs; not stupid macho ones that Will usually seemed so fond of giving out but embraces that showed actual affection. Zack's was much shorter than Cody's but he didn't say anything about it. He did made Will promise to say goodbye before he left in the morning though. Zack stared blankly after Will as his friend left the room and the door shut with a quiet click. He still couldn't believe it. Just half an hour ago they hadn't known anything was wrong and that it was all about to change. Zack didn't know what he was feeling behind the immediate sadness and feelings of loss, but he could understand his friend's desire to leave. He had been treated badly and Zack was very much to blame.

He rubbed his tired eyes and walked up to Cody who was standing in front of the window, having occupied Will's spot as he left, and put his arms around his brother from behind.

"Zack," Cody started, sounding tired. "I don't really feel like-"

"I know, me neither." Zack sighed against Cody's neck. "I can't believe he's leaving. It'll feel without him."

Cody didn't say anything.

"At least I have you," Zack smiled and inhaled the scent of his twin. He smelled like shampoo and soap. "I'm so happy about us."

Cody still didn't say anything.


	10. Chapter 10

Zack lay in bed with his eyes glued to the window and watched as the raindrops exploded onto the glass. He couldn't see much of anything but the persistent mass of grey clouds and it dampened his mood. He couldn't be one hundred percent sure what it was this morning that ate away at his cheerful demeanour other than the weather, but the most obvious reason was Will leaving. Zack was going to miss him so much. Every time he thought about it he felt worse. It was his fault; all his fault. If he hadn't messed up so badly then Will would still be with them.

He shook his head slightly to himself to try and rid himself of the guilt. There was no point in blaming himself for something that had already happened. He figured all he could do now was make sure that nothing like it ever happened again. And it wouldn't, right? He had Cody now, and Cody was everything.

Zack glanced to the side and found his twin's body, back towards him on the very edge of the mattress. He was too far away to touch and Zack decided not to try. His twin needed the sleep. Hell, Zack needed the sleep too but it wouldn't come to him. He'd been awake for over an hour, just lying there between the warm sheets lost in his thoughts. He got up now though, and stretched his arms towards the ceiling before he walked over to the dresser where a small pile of sweets lay and had laid for quite some time. He was hungry enough that he didn't care and shoved a handful of multi coloured Jelly Beans into his mouth while he walked over to the window. Cars were already swarming the street and people were up despite the early hour.

Zack picked a yellow bean from his palm and began to chew away at it as he stared down, his eyes traveling away before they could settle on anything in particular. Except… he squinted and leaned closer to the window, focusing his brown eyes on a person on the pavement right in front of the building. Zack had seen that jacket enough times to recognise it. "Fuck!" He cursed and spun around to find his clothes. The sweets went all over the place as he abandoned them for his shirt but he barely noticed. His mind was shouting curses like a firework as he finally worked his body into the fabrics and went for the door.

"Zack?" A sleepy voice came from behind him.

"I'll be right back!" Zack said and hurried out. He sprinted to the elevator and jammed his hand against the button but he felt it was too slow so he took the stairs instead. He ran down them and was lucky that he didn't trip once or he would definitely be too late. The lobby was nearly empty by the time he reached it and he hurried past the reception and out through the swinging doors. He found the person he was looking for right outside on the street, loading a bag into a cab.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?" Zack spat.

Will turned around slowly, a frown on his face as he met Zack's eyes. "Shit."

"Yeah! Shit; you're caught! What the hell, Will? You promised to say goodbye!"

"I thought it would be better this way."

Zack narrowed his eyes. "Better for who? How could you even think about leaving without a word?"

"We sort of said goodbye last night," Will argued weakly. "I wanted to let you sleep."

"Bullshit! You're just taking an easy way out."

Will was suddenly annoyed. "Don't think any of this is easy for me. It's not!"

"I know that," Zack said irritably. "But maybe we can work it out."

"I'm in love with you and you're in love with him. How can we possibly work that out?"

Zack didn't have an answer. He just stared at Will while the rain wet them both. "You can't leave, Will." He knew his voice was begging now but he didn't care.

Will smiled sadly. "Well, I sure as hell can't stay. That only leaves me with one other option."

"Look, I know I screwed up. I'm an idiot, but I promise it's all going to be all right from now on."

"It's not all right." Will sighed. "It won't be if I stay, anyway. I still want you, I still… I just can't see you all the time. It's not going to help anything."

Zack could tell that his friend had made up his mind but Zack was determined not to accept complete defeat. He knew Will, and he knew that Will's views of things were sometimes a bit too negative. He decided to try another approach. "Aren't we friends?"

"Yeah," Will sighed helplessly. "We're friends. That's the point."

"Friends don't let other friends make stupid mistakes, isn't that how the saying goes?"

"Not really." Will stared at him sadly. "I don't know if it's a good idea to keep in contact, Zack"

"I do. And I'm not letting you go."

"Zack-"

"Look," Zack said loudly. "We'll flip a coin."

"Nice try."

Zack became serious. "I don't want to lose you, Will."

"No?" His smile was crooked.

Zack shook his head. "No."

Will stared at his face for a few moments, looking like he was pondering the words he had just heard. "Okay," he said slowly. "We'll still be friends."

"Good choice." Still having Will as a friend was better than not having him in his life at all, despite knowing that he would miss him every day. Zack smiled and went in to hug him; wrapping his arms around Will's chest and feeling strong arms go around his own shoulders. It was a nice hug, warm and comforting and made Zack feel a bit better about the situation.

"You don't have any shoes on," Will pointed out suddenly, releasing Zack halfway.

"I know," Zack said. "I didn't have time."

Will laughed. "I'm really going to miss you..."

He leaned in again but Zack could tell he wasn't going for another hug. He didn't pull away though, as Will's lips touched his. The kiss was only little more than a peck, without tongue but with rain wetting their mouths. It was simply a goodbye, nothing else.

"What the heck?"

Zack and Will broke apart and Zack felt his stomach drop at once. _Cody_. By the look on his face he had seen the kiss but not realised how insignificant it was.

"Cody-" Zack started but his brother didn't spare him a single glance. Within the span of a second Cody had walked directly up to Will and Zack knew what was going to happen before it did, but Will it seemed, did not. Therefore he was taken by surprise as the palm of Cody's hand slammed hard against his cheek. "Cody!" Zack cried. His mouth was hanging open in shock and his eyes couldn't quite believe what they had just seen.

Cody was standing there, breathing hard and eyes staring daggers at Will who was holding his cheek and looking shocked. "Stay the fuck away from Zack."

Zack's entire body was frozen but his mind was alert. What the hell had just happened? It was like some crappy testosterone-filled action movie with the hero defending the damsel in a ridiculously macho way. But Zack wasn't some chick who needed saving and Cody sure as hell couldn't be accused of being overly masculine. So what was happening?

Will was gathering himself now, seemingly over the first shock, and his height and features were suddenly dangerous. "If you try to hit me again…" he warned and his eyes told Zack that the hinted warning was genuine.

"Then what?" Cody spat back. "You'll hit me? Do it!"

Zack sensed that it was definitely time to intervene, he grabbed Cody, and spun him round till their eyes met. "Cody, go back to the room I'll be-"

"And ,leave you alone with, with him?"

Zack groaned. "Do it! I'll be up in a minute. Go now!" He was aware that people on the street had stopped to look at the commotion that was going on and Zack didn't want to make the scene any bigger than it already was. Cody glanced at him and the look in his eyes was hard, but he turned on the spot a moment later and stalked away into the hotel.

Will was still looking murderous and had a red tinge on his cheek that Zack sincerely hoped wouldn't turn into the shape of his twin's fingers when it settled.

"I'm so sorry, Will. I don't know what got into him."

"It's fine," Will said but his voice wasn't masking his anger very well. "But I'm going now."

"Yeah, okay," Zack said helplessly. He watched as Will gave him a stiff nod and got into the taxi. It drove through the rain and disappeared behind a corner. Sighing, Zack padded back to the hotel entrance, his clothes and socks thoroughly soaked.

He didn't know what he expected to find when he slid the card into the lock a few minutes later but found right away that he wasn't going to like what was coming. Cody was sitting in the window, his arms crossed tightly together and his eyes just as angry as Will's. "What the hell was that, Zack?"

"We were just saying goodbye." He knew the explanation was pathetically empty to his brother even before he had finished.

Cody glowered. "You don't usually kiss people goodbye unless you love them."

"I don't love Will," Zack argued. At least that was true.

Cody let out a slow and controlled breath to still his anger. "Then why did you kiss him?"

Zack had no idea how to explain it, and he didn't want to either. He had never wanted his twin to find out about him and Will because he knew the reaction wouldn't be pleasant. But like usual, things didn't go the way he wanted them. He sat down heavily on the edge of the unmade bed. "Will and I sort of… messed around. Before you and I, I mean."

"Messed around?" Cody repeated slowly. "What does that mean?"

Zack would have given anything not to say. He felt so ashamed of himself under Cody's hard glare and like he had let his brother down by being with someone else. He couldn't look at Cody as he spoke. "We kissed and he…" Zack frowned at the memories and the feelings of Will's hands and mouth on his body.

"Did you have sex?"

Zack's head snapped up. "What? No! No, not sex. Not really."

"Not really?"

"No, it was just… oral." He cringed at the word.

Cody looked faintly disgusted. Slowly, he got down from the window and walked over to the bathroom. Zack watched him, worried by the silence and weighed down by everything that had just happened. "I don't want to see you right now," Cody said, and his voice was slightly choked up, like he was really working not to let himself cry.

"Cody," Zack tried.

"Just go." He opened the door to the bathroom and disappeared before Zack could utter another word. Knowing that defying his twin's wishes and staying wouldn't do either of them a favour, Zack mechanically shed his wet clothes and put on dry ones. He remembered shoes this time and grabbed his jacket before he headed out. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care.

**xXx**

The light was too bright, the sounds too noisy and just moving his head the tiniest bit sent a stab of pain through it. Zack knew even before he woke completely that it wasn't going to be a good day.

He had never felt this bad, not even that time a few years ago when he'd had a fever for a week and spent all the time sleeping because waking up just made him want to throw up. This was a different kind of bad. This was bad bad. He forced his eyes open and glared around the room, as if the walls and furniture themselves were responsible for his condition. The familiarity of his bedroom become all too apparent. Zack wasn't exactly sure how he got home and what happened last night but for now he didn't care.

He was just going to close them again and go back to sleep but before he could, he found the shape of his twin's figure sitting in the window with his legs drawn up against his chest. Zack smiled despite every single muscle telling him not to. It was such an involuntary reaction these days. If he saw Cody, he smiled. Nothing he could do to stop it. "When did you wake up?" Zack asked, breaking the stillness. His voice was rough and he coughed to clear his throat.

"I didn't go to sleep," Cody replied quietly and didn't take his eyes off the window.

"Are you okay?" Zack asked as he slowly, very slowly, pushed himself into a sitting position with his back against the headboard. He was expecting his twin to confirm that, yes, he was okay, but his brother didn't say a word. Zack frowned, focusing his eyes on Cody. He looked tired but there was something else about him today that Zack couldn't quite put his finger on. "Cody? Is everything all right?"

Cody slowly tore his eyes away from the window and met Zack's. "Does it seem like I'm all right?"

"What's wrong?" Zack was suddenly worried by his twin's voice. It was monotone and odd and didn't sound like it usually did.

Cody leaned his head back against the window frame. "I don't know what's going on with you lately."

"What do you mean?"

"Last night? What were you thinking! Going out getting drunk and God knows what, if it wasn't for London who knows where you would be," Cody started and then his voice darkened slightly. "And then there all this stuffy with Will…"

Zack thought it was best not to tell Cody he had no recollection of last nights events as that didn't seem like the biggest issue. He sighed. "Is this about Will? Because that was just a stupid thing; I've already told you. There's nothing going on anymore. He's gone, and he's not coming back."

Cody looked out over the city. "Do you want him to come back?"

"No! Well, I mean, he's our friend, so-"

"He's not my friend," Cody said firmly.

Zack sighed. "You shouldn't have hit him. What was that about?"

For the first time a hint of a smile appeared on Cody's face as he looked down at his hand, clenching and unclenching it into a tight fist. "I didn't know I was that strong. Did you hear the sound it made? That was pretty funny."

Zack wasn't amused. "No, it wasn't funny. He didn't deserve that, Codes, he's done nothing wrong." He sighed and rubbed at his temples. "You should have hit me instead."

"Trust me, I was thinking about it...still am" Cody muttered but then his voice changed. "It really hurt that you didn't tell me."

Zack's heart sank. "I know," he said quietly. "I'm sorry. I should have told you but I was so sure that you wouldn't like it." He left out the fact that he felt so incredibly guilty about it because then Cody might realise just how badly Zack had treated their relationship and Zack couldn't bear that. He so deeply wished that he could take back some of the things he had done and how he had let them happen.

Cody shook his head slightly. "Will's not good enough for you. I can't believe you were with him."

Zack shook his head, but regretted it at once as the sharp pains came again. "There's nothing wrong with Will. He's a good guy. It was all my fault, Codes."

Cody didn't say anything and his face didn't let Zack know what he was thinking. He was just sitting there in the window with his arms around his legs. Zack knew that there was something going on in addition to everything else but he didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the dull ache in his head that messed with his observing skills. He was starting to feel worse with every passing second. His head hurt and his body just felt miserable. He didn't understand it and had never experienced it before so he assumed it was directly related to the events of the past night. He really just wanted to sink back under the covers and sleep the pain away but his brother's introverted behaviour was bothering him too much. It was just so out of character. "Cody, talk to me."

Cody didn't look at him but seemed to steel himself before he spoke. "It's too much for me, Zack."

"What's too much?"

"This. You and me."

"What are you talking about?" Zack asked slowly, already knowing that he wasn't going to like what his twin had to say.

Cody's face slowly turned to Zack's. His dark green eyes seemed unsure but his voice was steady. "There are reasons why brothers don't do what we've been doing."

Zack opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"Look, it's not your fault," Cody continued. "We've always been too close, I guess. We should have realised that it could easily turn into something more. If we could do it over again-"

"Then what?" Zack's voice was faint. "Do you think we should have behaved like other siblings?"

Cody shook his head resignedly. "I don't know."

Zack frowned. "You don't know? You mean, you might actually think that would be better? You want things with us to be different?" He couldn't disguise the hurt in his voice and knew that his brother heard it because Cody looked worried and nervous but didn't say anything. "I couldn't imagine us not being this close, Codes. It wouldn't work. It's you and I, always."

"Really?" Cody said blankly. "Then why have you been lying to me about everything?

"I haven't," Zack insisted, but it wasn't all too convincing. "How was I supposed to tell you how I felt about you? Just thinking about you rejecting me was terrifying."

Cody looked uncomfortable. "I still think you should have told me about that and Will. We could have talked about it."

"We're talking now, aren't we?"

"It's a bit too late now though." Cody bit his lip.

Zack narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Cody took a deep breath and ran a hand through his soft hair. Even from over in the bed, Zack could see that his twin's hand was trembling. "I can't do this, Zack."

"Wha-"

"Us," Cody clarified. "I can't do us."

Zack felt like something went out inside of him. "What are you talking about?" He asked urgently, hoping against too fickle hope that Cody was talking about something else entirely, something stupid, something that wouldn't completely break Zack's heart.

"It's wrong, Zack." Cody sounded as tired as he looked.

"How can it be wrong?" Zack felt seriously scared now. He just stared at his twin like he had never seen him before and it felt like that too. Cody looked completely different to him. He could barely even recognise him. Zack's head was throbbing horribly but he barely noticed because all he could focus on was Cody.

"Don't tell me you don't think it is."

"I don't!" Zack shouted. His heart was pounding hard now. He was scared. "It's you and me; it's what it should be like!

But Cody shook his head. "We're brothers, Zack. It's wrong and we're not allowed."

"We're not going to tell people! It'll be a secret! No one will find out."

"What if they do anyway? What if Will had, huh?"

Zack frowned and his thoughts were suddenly in a chaos as he quickly pondered whether he should tell the truth or not. But he couldn't lie, not after everything. "Will knows." He said quietly, his voice having dropped several octaves.

"What?" Cody breathed, his body going completely still. "Did you tell him?"

"No, he just figured it out."

"Oh my god," Cody breathed. He looked scared and Zack really just wanted to run over and hug him for all he was worth but he knew that would only make the situation worse. He needed to convince his twin with words instead of feelings but he was panicking because he had no idea what to say.

"Cody, it's okay. He's not telling anyone. If that's all you're worried about then I swear it all going to be all right! We'll make it work and no one will ever know.

"But I want people to know, Zack," Cody said softly. "If I love someone then I want to be able to hold hands and kiss in public. I will never be able to do that with you."

Sudden tears burned Zack's eyes. They blurred the scene so that he couldn't make out Cody's expression, but he didn't really need to see it anyway. It wouldn't make it hurt any less. "We can still be together," he insisted quietly and the tears spilled over and down his cheeks. "We can't hurt anyone."

Cody stared at him. "Zack, there's not a single person we can't hurt! Think of mom and dad and our friends!" He stopped, looking anguished. "Ourselves."

Zack didn't say anything. He was trying very hard to stop the pathetic tears from coming but there was no denying them. Every time he wiped them away new ones created in the corners of his eyes. What made everything hurt more was that Cody's eyes were dry.

"We can't go back now, can we?" Cody mumbled. "To before, I mean."

Despite his tears, Zack felt angry. "But you must have liked it! You never said you wanted to stop when we-"

"I knew you wanted it," Cody replied softly.

"So what? You agreed to it even though you didn't want to?"

Cody looked miserable and Zack finally thought he could detect a sheen to his eyes. "I would do anything for you, Zack, you know that."

"So If I said I wanted this, you'd do it for me?" Zack asked immediately.

"Of course I would," Cody said and his voice was genuine but his eyes were sad. "But if I said I didn't want to, would you still make me?"

"No. No, of course not." Just the thought of making his twin do anything against his will made Zack feel sick inside. "I thought you wanted this. It kills me that you don't."

"Zack, I've tried! So hard! But I don't want to do this, I just can't. It's wrong! God, what would people say?" Cody was crying now.

Zack felt numb. He couldn't even explain it to himself but he felt drained and shaken and heartbroken all at the same time and his brother's rejection was all that filled him. Cody didn't want this. Cody didn't want him. It was more than rejection, it was loss. And just when Zack thought it couldn't get worse, it did.

"I think we should take a breather."

Zack looked up from his misery but Cody's wet eyes refused to meet his. "What?"

"A break."

"A break from what, exactly?" Zack asked stiffly.

"From being twins," Cody responded meekly. "Just for a few days, okay? Till I'm settled in at Yale and then hopefully things will go back to normal." He was wrong, but neither of them knew it at the time. Zack didn't reply and just listened silently while his twin prattled on. "Some time apart will be good for us. It'll give us some perspective."

"But we've always been together," Zack said quietly. "It's always been us." He already knew that his plea was useless. His eyes had fallen to the floor and to a suitcase that was packed with clothes and shoes. Just one set. It hit him that Cody had had the goodbye planned out for hours. "Please don't go." Zack's voice was pathetically weak.

"I'm sorry, Zack," Cody whispered and climbed down form the window. "I just need some time to think."

Zack watched numbly as his twin turned around and walked out. Cody didn't turn around once.

It was such a short goodbye, too short in relation to the complicated situation. Zack should never have agreed to it; he should have fought for what he wanted, whom he wanted, and should have made his brother understand that they belonged together. He should have pushed through the pain and rubbed his eyes dry and hurried after Cody. He should have hugged him and told him that everything would be all right because everything fixed itself in the end. Their relationship would be no great disaster but rather something very beautiful and Zack should have done everything to make his brother see that.

But he didn't, because he couldn't move. His head didn't stop hurting and his eyes didn't stop watering and the sobs that wrecked through him were torture.

Cody heard them as he walked through the hallway with his own tears running down his cheeks. A part of him wanted to go back but he didn't. He knew it couldn't work out.

Neither of them knew that it would be quite some time before they saw each other again.


End file.
